12 Celebrity New Year’s Resolutions For 2014

(Or at least they should be.)

1. Lorde - see a diamond in the flesh

2. Zac Efron - continue to dominate Common White Girl tweets

3. Brian Griffin - never bury a bone in the ground again

4. Paula Deen - have a cooking show on BET

5. Beyoncé - join forces with Pope Francis & rule the world together

6. North West - learn to walk without holding Kim’s hand

7. Kanye West - learn to ride a motorcycle without holding Kim’s boob

8. Ylvis - get the courage to talk to some foxes

9. Barack Obama - prove to Michelle (& the country) that he can still perform

10. Carrie Underwood - enroll in some acting classes

11. Miley Cyrus - create sledgehammer-flavored lollypops

12. Dylan Sprouse - stop taking pictures of himself Zack-ing off

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