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The Definitive Ranking Of The Numbers 1 To 10

Everything you thought you knew is wrong.

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10. Ten


Ugh, ten. Twice the effort to type or write as any of the numbers that came before and the gatekeeper to all of the rest of (the only ever increasing in size) numbers. Also, everyone knows that the worst lists have ten things in them: top ten X? Please, no...

9. Four


Say four, think horsemen of the apocalypse. It’s hardly the friendliest number – four will be responsible for all of our, probably very gruesome, deaths. Bad four, bad. Also, it should be noted that having to decide between the two different ways of writing it only added to the trauma of learning maths in school, and is probably the sole reason nobody wants to study it any more.

8. Nine


Poor nine. It’s an unlucky number in Japan, and is most commonly identified with Dante’s circles of hell. There were briefly nine planets, but Pluto got downgraded and a whole generation has never trusted the number again.

7. Five


Five was the inspiration for the band Five, or 5ive, as they prefer to go by in a defiance of logical spelling so staggering, you know it can have only happened in the 90s. It’s also forever associated with the guilt of not eating your five a day. Aside from that, it’s really only remarkable in that it’s the number of limbs on a starfish.

6. One


The number one signifies unity, everything, the beginning and god. Neo was famously The One, and apparently we’re all searching for (hopefully a different) The One. It’s a tricky, elusive bastard though, and besides, it’s the loneliest number. Even if you did meet it, you probably wouldn’t get along because, of course, one is not amused.

5. Six


Fans of the number six will tell you it’s a perfect number, which means that it’s the sum of its divisors (1, 2 and 3). That’s all well and good, but we’d say go home six, no-one wants your perfection, you’re making the rest of the numbers feel inadequate.

4. Eight


Ooh, eight – it is, by far, the sexiest number – just look at those curves! Also, there is nothing more satisfying than drawing that squiggle. It’s perfectly symmetrical and if you make this little number lie down, it represents eternity. It’s a lucky number in Chinese culture and 8 Mile is hands down the best film starring Eminem ever to hit our screens.

3. Two


Two is great because when you have to write the date and accidentally write two when you meant three, it can be neatly corrected with minimum embarrassment incurred. Song 2 by Blur is a great song (woo-hoo!), and, need we be reminded, it takes two. What ‘it’ is, we’re not quite sure, but we gather two is important nonetheless.

2. Seven


There are seven ancient wonders, seven days a week, seven deadly sins, seven musical notes, seven dwarves chilling out with Snow White – and seven Harry Potter books. Se7en is a badass film, and even Shakespeare’s in on it, with his Seven Stages of Man. It’s not quite the best, though, because we don’t like to reward bad behaviour and everyone knows seven ate nine.

1. Three


Ah, three, it was always going to be three wasn’t it? It’s the magic number, a significant number in most major religions and there’s the handy Rule of Three for making weighty arguments (see what we did there). It’s the first odd prime number and it’s a lucky number in China because it sounds like the word for ‘birth’. Most importantly though, it looks like a sideways butt. <3

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