What it usually means: A time to relax and enjoy time off with your loved ones.
What it means for retail workers: The most horrific, exhausting time of the year, and the only place to hide is the stock room.
What it usually means: Items that prevent theft and help protect merchandise.
What it means for retail workers: Subtle reminders that people are stealing and ripping holes in everything your store has to offer.
What it usually means: Young people experiencing the best years of their lives.
What it means for retail workers: Vicious monsters that will ransack every pile, every shelf of merchandise they set their beady eyes on. Thank god you were never 17.
What it usually means: A high level to set your sights on for consistent success.
What it means for retail workers: Having brief existential crises over cleaning things that are already clean.
What it usually means: A reduction in inventory due to shoplifting and employee theft.
What it means for retail workers: Protecting your store’s merchandise until someone threatens to punch, stab, or shoot you.
7. Dressing Rooms
What it usually means: The private space where customers can try on anything their heart desires.
What it means for retail workers: The frightening hellhole where any excess amount of filth, dirt, and if you’re lucky, urine will be left at your expense.
What it usually means: A person who purchases goods or services from someone.
What it means for retail workers: The worst people on earth. As soon as you clock in, they assume you’re a robot without feelings and thoughts of your own.
What it usually means: An intimate occasion between you and the most majestic thing in the world — food.
What it means for retail workers: Fast food for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, usually stuffed into your facehole between driving to and from work.
What it usually means: Fixtures that showcase how wonderful a brand’s product will look in your home.
What it means for retail workers: Repeatedly telling customers that they are not for sale, and explaining that you’ll lose your job if you sell them.
What it usually means: Cool catchphrases that increase sales for a company.
What it means for retail workers: The most efficient way to embarrass yourself and get ignored by a customer.
What it usually means: A shaped object with a hook at the top. They hang clothes and keep ‘em wrinkle-free.
What it means for retail workers: Annoying, frustrating pieces of crap you’re forced to finger space.
14. Black Friday
What it usually means: The only day where you can get discounts on LCD TVs and pay $5 for overpriced DVDs.
What it means for retail workers: You dread this moment all year round. The epitome of everything that is wrong with the world.
What it usually means: A regular paycheck, typically paid on a monthly or biweekly basis.
What it means for retail workers: Having just enough money for gas, maybe rent, and some gorditas at Taco Bell.
What it usually means: Sending goods through the mail so another party can enjoy them.
What it means for retail workers: Moving, scanning, cutting, emptying, and folding endless boxes of merchandise until you’ve completely lost track of how many hours you’ve lost.
What it usually means: A time to relax and collect yourself.
What it means for retail workers: Something terrible will happen soon, whether you’re ready for it or not.
What it usually means: To move quickly and with urgency.
What it means for retail workers: The time where customers flood your store and put the “fast-paced environment” in retail.
What it usually means: A way to express your disinterest or concerns with a company.
What it means for retail workers: Hearing every terrible decision your company has made that you have absolutely zero control over.
What it usually means: The amount of money expected, required, and used for payment.
What it means for retail workers: Being scolded because you do not have the power to lower them.
22. Employee discounts
What it usually means: An agreement where employees can purchase their employer’s products for a fraction of the cost.
What it means for retail workers: Spending more money than you actually make at your job.
What it usually means: A portable two-way radio used to communicate suspicions of theft, as well as general comments and concerns between co-workers.
What it means for retail workers: Another chance to vent by talking shit to co-workers about customers.
24. Going out
What it usually means: Spending quality time with your family and friends, relieving stress with or without some alcohol.
What it means for retail workers: Drinking before, during, or for a brief period after work.
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