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Can You Make It Through This Post Without Being Sexually Attracted To Sushi?

Tie me up, sushi roll me down.

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Hit play to set the mood.

If you are anything like me – and I know you are – then you have a thirst that can only be quenched by one thing: sexy, sensual sushi.

Sadly, there are people out there who still find sushi confusing. I feel sad for these people.

Universal Pictures / Via
Universal Pictures / Via
Universal Pictures / Via
Universal Pictures / Via

Now, close your eyes, take a deep breath, and when you open them you'll be in sushi ecstasy.

First things first you gotta make that rice. OOOOooooooOOo, stir it, yeah! Now slice it reaaaaal slow. There you go.

::bites bottom lip:: That's it. Squeeze it. Nice. And. Tight.

On top is how I like it. C'mon, drop those fish eggs all over me.

Yuuuuuum. Press it with your warm, strong hands. Now ever so gently stroke it with sauce. ::shudders::

In, out. In, out. You want to get it just the right amount of moist.

Hey, whatchoo doing? Taking a little breather? Uh, uh, we're not even close to done.

Yes, tease me with your tuna and salmon-wrapped self. Keep it out of reach until I beg for mercy.

Fill me up. All of me.

Ugggh, I'm dripping.

Magnolia Pictures / Via

Drop it all over, no need to make it perfect. Squirt that sauce with abandon.

Be careful! Yeah, now pop the whole thing in your mouth in one big bite.

Oh, hello? What are you doing, just sittin' there by your lonesome? I can keep you company.

::wipes mouth:: I think my body has room for one more quivering piece. ::puts sushi in mouth::

UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! That. Was. Magnificent. ::rolls over and grabs towel:: Until next time, sushi.

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