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20 Things No One Ever Tells You About Buying A Home

S. Crow... Who dat?

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1. You don't pay your real estate agent.

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The seller pays them. This explains why some agents might try and make you spend more than you can afford on a house, because that means a bigger commission for them. But the good ones won't push you, so get one of those.

4. Short sales are not short.


The "short" means short of the home's value, not time. A short sale can actually take months to process, and even then the deal can fall through. Nothing like six months of anxiety!

5. You will most likely be beat out on several offers.

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Cash buyers are the bane of your existence and probably act just like this. Who are these people anyway? WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?

7. Choosing a mortgage lender is like choosing a college.

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Should you go with a big company or a small company? Ah, who cares? Like college, this will only put you farther in debt and will force you to eat ramen noodles and Tang, since that will be all you can afford now.

9. You will answer the same questions from the bank/realtor/lenders over and over again.

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You've answered why you deposited $233.17 in July of 2011 a million times, and if you have to answer it again somebody is getting hurt.

11. Remember that mortgage you stressed about choosing? It is almost immediately sold to another company.

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What happened to the super nice guy who convinced you to go with his company? Oh, yeah, he's laughing all the way to the bank. But who cares, because now you're in your new place and here is where the real fun begins.

12. You will receive a plethora of "important" mail.


None of it is important, and sometimes not even real. However, you are now somehow on some sort of new-homeowners mailing list. And your mailbox will be packed to the brim with life insurance offers reminding you that someday your new home might just kill you.

13. You will want to max out every bank account and credit card to furnish your new place.


Just take a chill pill and relax for a bit. I know you have another bedroom and an empty den just sitting there, but rushing to fill will not do you any favors.

16. You are your own landlord.

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That means you are responsible to fix stuff by doing it yourself or hiring someone. Either way, apartment living is looking good right about now.

17. You will become super conscious of protecting your investment.

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Not only from the outside world, but from the inside as well. That's why you'll have coasters EVERYWHERE and shoes off please, OK?

20. And lastly, the feeling of pride you get when you actually own a home.


Congratulations. You did it. Now sit back and enjoy the — OHMYGODTHERESALEAKINTHETOILET! Well, at least it's your toilet.

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