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An Ode To Alcohol (When You Can No Longer Drink It)

Goodbye, old friend.

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Recently, I was told by my doctor that I had to cut alcohol out of my diet for the next three months due to high cholesterol and high blood pressure. Thanks, genetics! Needless to say, good times like these will probably never happen again.*

* Well, at least for another three months. Or, y'know, forever.

In order to process my grief, I decided there was only one thing I could do: be super emo and write a poem about it. I hope you enjoy my sadness.


Oh, Alcohol!

Oh, alcohol!

You who filled the empty tumbler

Of my heart.

You who would greet me with a

Warm kiss after work,

Never judging,

Only loving.

Oh, alcohol!

When the doctor said

You were to go,

My heart sank,

Like an ice cube to the bottom

Of an old fashioned.

Taken like a

Thief in the night

Your scent still permeates the


Oh, alcohol!

No matter the incarnation

I will miss thee.

Farewell, ale.

'Til we meet again, whiskey.

It's been a pleasure, vodka.

Take care, gin.


Oh, alcohol!

How you have been with me

Through thick and thin!

Through happiness

And through


You were the best therapist

I ever had.


Maybe the worst.

Oh, alcohol!

How will I socialize now?

With sober thoughts and

A clear mind?

That is hogwash!

You were the elixir

That let me gab with

Free abandon. Now,

No more.

Oh, alcohol.

Maybe some day

We will meet again,

But chances are

That day will never come,

Which is probably

For the