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Dunkin' Donuts: Drive-Through Drama

It's always a gamble.

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"I'm here," I tell Luna. "Hang on a sec."

"Okay," she says. "Good luck."

I stick my head out the car window, catching a glimpse of myself in the side-view mirror.

I really should invest in a higher quality shampoo.

"Can I help you?" a Dunkin' Donuts girl asks over the speaker.

"Hi. Can I please have a medium cup of tea, light with cream and four Splenda?"

"A medium coffee? How would you like that?"

Luna chuckles into my ear via my bluetooth.

"No, tea," I repeat, this time more loudly. "Tea, light with cream and four Splenda."


"Yes. Splenda."

"Okay," the girl answers. "Drive around."

"Odds she'll get it right?" Luna asks.

"She has a decent shot. But she'll fuck up on the receipt. I know it."

Luna understands that I'm constitutionally incapable of keeping order in my car. I could hide a body in here -- and that's without five thousand spawning slips of paper documenting my daily purchase of a beverage I know I'll never return.

At the pick-up window, the girl hands me a cup, a teabag dangling over its side.

"Thanks," I say. "Light with cream and four Splenda?"

She nods.

"Yay." Then, handing her two dollars, I ask, "When you give me change, could you hold onto the receipt?"

The girl looks at me funny.

She turns, makes change and hands it to me.

Along with a receipt.

A pity, this is. She'd been so very close.

I let out a sigh.

Luna does the same.

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