As/Is·Posted on Apr 10, 2015These Vintage Tampon Ads Will Terrify Your VaginaPutting the misery in menses.by by Julie GersteinBuzzFeed Staff, by Lauren PaulBuzzFeed StaffFacebookPinterestTwitterMailLink 1. pinterest.com Julie: Please let's never discuss "milady's foul drippings" ever.Lauren: I've gotta see one of these strap on "secretion cages." 2. bontheball.com Julie: I can't read French so I'll just assume this is making a smelly vagina joke.Lauren: Though I can barely get past the visual, it's "I'm like a fish in water." So...you're living life in your natural habitat? 3. buzzfeed.com Julie: Tampons are always stealing virginities.Lauren: Idk, sounds like Lisa is kinda slutty. 4. glipho.com Julie: Unmarried girls can use tampons but reading? Not so much.Lauren: "Phew, all this time I've been inserting them the medically incorrect way!" 5. nytimes.com Julie: OMG getting her period makes her able to skateboard!? SIGN ME UP! 6. vintageadbrowser.com Julie: Can you trust tampons? NOT IF YOU LITERALLY CALL THEM LIES.Lauren: Back in my day, you could get a whole dozen tampons for two dimes! 7. rotatingcorpse.com Julie: How many party drugs were done on the set of this commercial? ALL OF THEM.Lauren: I heard John Travolta was on his period when they shot Saturday Night Fever.Julie: He def was. 8. vintage-ads.livejournal.com Julie: This ad says "your period will turn you into a harlequin clown."Lauren: Is this the original manic pixie dream girl?Julie: Yes. And she is terrifying. 9. pzrservices.typepad.com Julie: Kotex was really all about the self-loathing.Lauren: Yeah girls, stop feeling sorry for yourself. 10. adsoftheworld.com Julie: Tampons, so great for blood-sucking vampires with absorbency issues.Lauren: SO MUCH EW. There's a Twilight joke here somewhere. 11. gizmodo.com Julie: This is so "Take my wife, PLEASE."Lauren: "My wife acted like a human and wanted me to listen, IT WAS TORTURE." 12. menstruationresearch.org Lauren: I'd hate to be in her wedgies.Julie: Esp. because she has an "extra long face." She's clearly an elephant. 13. menstruationresearch.org Julie: Girl, you're not allowed to have a bad day. HE'S AT WAR. KEEP YOUR PERIOD TO YOURSELF.Lauren: Whoa, way harsh Kotex! Take a night off for cramps and suddenly YOU'VE DESERTED AMERICA. 14. tressugar.com Julie: Oh no! I've lost my daintiness!Lauren: Because your body's natural rhythm is a real hygienic problem. 15. google.com Julie: AGAIN WITH THE MILADY!Lauren: I bet the girl in pink is still rockin' a secretion cage. 16. flashbak.com Julie: Geez, it's just your period, no need to get so aggressive.Lauren: I bet Father Time doesn't have to deal with this hostility. 17. flashbak.com Julie: Stayfree maxi-pads work so well you can totally stick your butt in Jeff's face. Lauren: And how!