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These Vintage Tampon Ads Will Terrify Your Vagina

Putting the misery in menses.

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1.

pinterest.com

Julie: Please let's never discuss "milady's foul drippings" ever.

Lauren: I've gotta see one of these strap on "secretion cages."

2.

bontheball.com

Julie: I can't read French so I'll just assume this is making a smelly vagina joke.

Lauren: Though I can barely get past the visual, it's "I'm like a fish in water." So...you're living life in your natural habitat?

3.

buzzfeed.com

Julie: Tampons are always stealing virginities.

Lauren: Idk, sounds like Lisa is kinda slutty.

4.

glipho.com

Julie: Unmarried girls can use tampons but reading? Not so much.

Lauren: "Phew, all this time I've been inserting them the medically incorrect way!"

5.

nytimes.com

Julie: OMG getting her period makes her able to skateboard!? SIGN ME UP!

6.

vintageadbrowser.com

Julie: Can you trust tampons? NOT IF YOU LITERALLY CALL THEM LIES.

Lauren: Back in my day, you could get a whole dozen tampons for two dimes!

7.

rotatingcorpse.com

Julie: How many party drugs were done on the set of this commercial? ALL OF THEM.

Lauren: I heard John Travolta was on his period when they shot Saturday Night Fever.

Julie: He def was.

8.

vintage-ads.livejournal.com

Julie: This ad says "your period will turn you into a harlequin clown."

Lauren: Is this the original manic pixie dream girl?

Julie: Yes. And she is terrifying.

9.

pzrservices.typepad.com

Julie: Kotex was really all about the self-loathing.

Lauren: Yeah girls, stop feeling sorry for yourself.

10.

adsoftheworld.com

Julie: Tampons, so great for blood-sucking vampires with absorbency issues.

Lauren: SO MUCH EW. There's a Twilight joke here somewhere.

11.

gizmodo.com

Julie: This is so "Take my wife, PLEASE."

Lauren: "My wife acted like a human and wanted me to listen, IT WAS TORTURE."

12.

menstruationresearch.org

Lauren: I'd hate to be in her wedgies.

Julie: Esp. because she has an "extra long face." She's clearly an elephant.

13.

menstruationresearch.org

Julie: Girl, you're not allowed to have a bad day. HE'S AT WAR. KEEP YOUR PERIOD TO YOURSELF.

Lauren: Whoa, way harsh Kotex! Take a night off for cramps and suddenly YOU'VE DESERTED AMERICA.

14.

tressugar.com

Julie: Oh no! I've lost my daintiness!

Lauren: Because your body's natural rhythm is a real hygienic problem.

15.

google.com

Julie: AGAIN WITH THE MILADY!

Lauren: I bet the girl in pink is still rockin' a secretion cage.

16.

flashbak.com

Julie: Geez, it's just your period, no need to get so aggressive.

Lauren: I bet Father Time doesn't have to deal with this hostility.

17.

flashbak.com

Julie: Stayfree maxi-pads work so well you can totally stick your butt in Jeff's face.

Lauren: And how!