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    16 Horrifying Vintage Sex Toys

    Guaranteed to cure your female hysteria.

    by ,

    1. This ~fancy~ 1950s vibrator was called the Niagara Hand Unit. Woooooo.

    Donaldson Collection / Getty Images

    2. The Veedee vibrator helped cure colds, stomach ailments and ... farts.

    Science & Society Picture Librar / Getty Images

    3. According to the instructions on the box, there wasn't anything this vintage Veedee vibe couldn't treat.

    Science & Society Picture Librar / Getty Images
    Science & Society Picture Librar / Getty Images

    4. Oh hey! It's just one woman vibing another!

    Harlingue / Getty Images

    At the Beauty Institute of Lido.

    5. Doesn't this mechanical "massager" look like a weird hair dryer?

    Science & Society Picture Librar / Getty Images

    It was made by General Electric!

    6. Oh look, it's actress Colleen Moore using the Star-Rite Electric Massage Vibrator on her face.

    Underwood Archives / Getty Images

    7. The Barker Vibrator was "invaluable after bathing or exercise!"

    Jay Paull / Getty Images

    This advertisement is from 1906.

    8. Check out the ~bliss~ on that woman's face.

    antiquevibratormuseum.com

    That's a Rex-Ray vibe from the 1940s.

    9. This early Hitatchi Magic Wand is from the late '60s or early '70s.

    10. Suuuure, go ahead and use the Vibra Touch on your back.

    11. The Andis Vibrator "aids health and beauty."

    antiquevibratormuseum.com

    (and apparently works on your head, too).

    12.

    13. The Polar Club Electric Vibrator heated up the vibe market in 1928.

    14. How about this instant party doll? She's the LIFE OF EVERY PARTY!

    15. It's a vibrating electric belt aka a total nightmare.

    16. This one's called the Handy Hannah.

    etsy.com

    It's from the 1950s.

    Vibe on!