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Food

27 Tweets About Breakfast That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud

"Toast is just soft bread that has been hurt before."

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1.

[commercial for everything bagels] Do you want your teeth to look like you ate a shitload of ants? NARRATOR: Everything bagels

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How messed up is it that the Trix Rabbit isn't allowed to eat cereal that literally has his face on the box? Thats some Saw 3-level torture.

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Wife: Is breakfast ready yet? Me: You can't rush home cooking. Wife: You're making Pop-Tarts. Me: I forgot to plug in the toaster.

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you can tell a lot about a man by his fingernails. if theres scrambled eggs under them hes a keeper

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do you want to have a few pancakes, you wuss, or do you want to get real

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When I was young I learned to never say "Bloody Mary" out loud 3 times or else you'll have to take a cab home from brunch.

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JUDGE: we know you egged that house ME: you gotta break a few eggs to make a homelette JUDGE: a what? ME: *lips on mic* house omelette

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Breakfast: AND YOU'RE ALL GONNA SAY IM THE MOST IMPORTANT. [waves knife] ISN'T THAT RIGHT!? Lunch and Dinner: [crying] yes anything you want

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I can't turn water into wine, but I can turn ice cream into breakfast.

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Any time a bird craps on my car, I eat an entire plate of scrambled eggs on my patio to show the birds what I'm capable of.

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GOLDILOCKS: this porridge is too hot PAPA BEAR: *bursts into room* wtf is porridge? GOLDILOCKS: it's oatmeal PAPA BEAR: say oatmeal then

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13.

Not having enough milk for cereal is nature's way of telling you to have tequila and doughnuts for breakfast, right?

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You had me at, "I'll make breakfast." You lost me at the improper cheese-to-grit ratio.

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The Brave Little Toaster: I'm gonna save the world! Me: No, you're not. You're going to toast this bread. TBLT: You never let me do anything

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Find yourself a best friend that's willing to split a everything bagel and give you the top part.

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Best thing about America is u put the word 'breakfast' in front of any food type n it's acceptable to eat it first thing in the morning

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A waffle is just a more considerate pancake. Its like, here, lemme hold that syrup for you in these convenient boxes

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I used to order my bacon really well-done and crispy but as I've grown older and more defeated, I just take whatever bacon they bring me

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Hell is an eternity of cleaning the frying pan you just made scrambled eggs in.

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[hungover] ME: That cereal is too loud! WIFE: It's oatmeal

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8am: commits to a raw vegan plant-based diet 10:30am: orders in something called "breakfast pasta"

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Toast is just soft bread that has been hurt before.

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Riddle: I am breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Also a snack. Also dessert. What am I? Hint: Cap'n Crunch

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A new study finds that sausages are often linked to other sausages

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[afternoon] ME: oh good only 4 more hours until i get to eat dinner [after dinner] ME: okay only 15 hours until breakfast