13 Superstitions That Explain Why Your Love Life Sucks

You’re doing everything wrong!

1. You’ve been sitting at the corner of a table.

AMC/Breaking Bad / Via jest.com

All the single (Russian) ladies have heard this at one point, and been warned that they won’t get married for seven years as a result.

2. You avoid eye contact during a toast.

Warner Bros. Pictures/The Great Gatsby / Via angelthegreatblog.wordpress.com

That, and not clinking each glass individually, or accidentally crossing your arm with someone else’s equates to seven years of bad sex, bro. CAREFUL.

3. You leave leftovers on your plate.

NBC/30 Rock / Via brunchforeverymeal.com

A Romanian superstition, which means you’ll marry someone super ugly. But hey, it justifies eating more food, all the time, forever, so how bad is your life, really?

4. You dropped a pair of scissors.

20th Century Fox/Edward Scissorhands / Via wifflegif.com

Means you’re being cheated on. And it turns out there are a lot of weird superstitions involving scissors. Check it.

5. You haven’t counted enough white horses.

Disney/Gravity Falls / Via gravityfalls.wikia.com

This one is up for debate — some sources say you have to count 60 horses, one mule and shake the hand of the person you will marry, others say one hundred horses (where every mule equals 10 horses) and no handshake. Either way, you should start immediately if you ever want to find anyone.

6. You shave your legs regularly.

Nickelodeon/Spongebob Squarepants / Via curryuku.tumblr.com

Women who don’t shave marry rich. AKA your whole life has been a lie until now.

7. You haven’t sewn a swan feather into your loved one’s pillow.

Hub Network/My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic / Via iambrony.com

To keep them faithful to you, of course!

8. You were a bridesmaid and tripped on your way up the aisle.

ABC/2013 Academy Awards / Via rebloggy.com

It means you won’t find a spouse of your own.

9. Someone gave you a knife as a present.

Columbia Pictures/Misery / Via eatbloganddie.com

Time to return that Cutco gift set, otherwise your current relationship will be “severed”

10. Someone swept over your feet while sweeping the floor.

Disney/Cinderella / Via craftysusie.blogspot.com

You’ll be forever alone.

11. You were a bridesmaid three times.

Warner Bros/The Corpse Bride / Via rebloggy.com

Bridesmaids supposedly protect the bride from evil spirits, so going to three weddings means you’ve accumulated enough nastiness to be single for life. But at least your friends really like you!

12. You’ve burnt some kind of bread product.

Paramount Pictures/Clueless / Via millikandaily.com

It’s a sign that your partner is secretly mad at you. Then again, you clearly can’t even make toast, so what are you good for?

13. You haven’t eaten 100 chicken gizzards or swallowed one whole chicken heart.

HBO/Game of Thrones / Via denkneestaples.wordpress.com

Doing either means you can marry anyone you want. So get on it.

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