All Of Tito's Ancient Hawaiian Sayings, Ranked By Usefulness

As the ancient Hawaiians used to say:

13.

Nickelodeon

He's basically saying "sometimes your life will be great. Other times it won't." Did we learn anything new or groundbreaking here?

12.

Nickelodeon

Be in control of your life. Easier said than done, Tito. Easier said than done.

11.

Nickelodeon

Hmm, not the most inclusive/simple solution to life's many problems.

10.

Nickelodeon

Psssh, the dark is for making mistakes with cute strangers. DUH.

9.

Nickelodeon

Huh?

8.

Nickelodeon

Is he saying it's okay to betray or kill your family? This gets points for possibly bending some moral boundaries.

7.

Nickelodeon

Awwwwwwwww. Not particularly insightful, but very sweet and SO TRUE.

6.

Nickelodeon

This one's good. A creative way of saying "don't be a narcissistic idiot".

5.

Nickelodeon

You're always going to want moooooooooore.

4.

Nickelodeon

Oooooh. Don't do immoral, awful things, or no one will love you. Tito is getting real as fuck here.

3.

Nickelodeon

Food is the answer to all your problems. So true and important.

2.

Nickelodeon

Don't lie about your dick size. Very valuable advice.

1.

Nickelodeon

*writes in yearbook* *tattoos on body* *puts on gravestone*