I've recently written a few posts about the dumbest ways people told me they've ever gotten injured, and every time I do, more of you write in even dumber ways. I am honestly impressed. Some of them are too good not to share, so, for our collective entertainment, here are some of the funniest and stupidest injuries yet:
1. "My brother was at an archery tournament a few nights ago, somehow lost control of his bowstring, and punched himself in the face. He has a concussion from it."
2. "I was running away from a bat in our house. Tripped and went face down. Broke my back."
—Anonymous
3. "A few months back I was wearing a sleep mask when I heard one of my cats getting ready to throw up. I sprung out of bed mask still on and went face first into the side of my wife’s full height cabinet on my side of the bed."
4. "Threw out my back while vacuuming at work. Managed to get in the car and drive home, but couldn't get out. And my husband wasn't home, so I had to call the neighbor to carry me into the house."
5. "Tore my ACL dancing the 'Cotton Eye Joe' at a friend’s wedding. Recovery was brutal. It happened in 2016, and to this day, I can’t stand that song."
6. "Not me, but my mum. She waxed the kitchen floor. Once the floor was finished, she went upstairs to finish some other task. Our only phone — [this was] back in the very early '80s — was hung up on the kitchen wall, beside the kitchen table."
"The phone rang, and mum ran to answer it, met the newly waxed floor in her sock feet, and wiped out spectacularly. Poor mum badly sprained her elbow and wrist and ended up at the ER... We’re a very clumsy family, unfortunately."
—Anonymous
7. "Everyone knows that if you drop something that is very hot, you should let it drop and not catch it mid-air. I did not know this. [I] got pretty bad burns on my left palm because I dropped and then caught a very hot piece of metal we were heating in science class."
8. "I love [reading] these. It reassures me that it’s not just me who gets hurt doing stupid normal things. I [once] sneezed and put my back out."
"I [also] slept funny and hyper extended my knee somehow."
9. "I had some pretty good gashes on my arm and side a while back and told everyone I got them fighting a mountain lion [attacking] my aunt’s cattle; in actuality, I got too close to a mama cow’s baby and got bumped into the barbed wire fence."
10. "Sprained my sternum…in my sleep. I woke up with chest pain, fearing the worst. Nope, just a weird rare injury that can happen if you’re very overweight and a stomach sleeper."
—Anonymous
11. "I've broken the same ankle THREE TIMES, all in stupid ways. [The first was] stepping onto an unmoving skateboard, only for it to immediately fly out from under me."
12. "I’ve dislocated my shoulder many ways. Some of my favorites are: turning off a light switch, taking off a jacket, and retrieving a bobber from the lake."
—Anonymous
13. "My dad threw out his back whilst picking up our cat to dance with him. Mind you, this cat is less than 10 pounds wet."
14. "My mom dropped a half empty, small glass jar of honey on her foot and got a pressure fracture. I had to drive her to the doctor's office. When he gave the diagnosis, she glared at me. [The doctor asked] why."
"I was struggling not to laugh, because two days prior, I had dropped an antique, solid metal sewing machine on the exact same part of my foot — and got only a small bruise."
—Anonymous
15. "I was sitting on the couch doing payroll with my laptop on my lap and all the needed charts and papers placed precariously around me. I needed to pass gas, but knew I couldn't move or everything would fall. I decided to just lift my left butt cheek and let it go."
16. "I used to work at a coffee shop and one morning, still tired, went to make a coffee but instead of putting the jug of milk under the steamer, put my hand there. Man, that hurt."
17. "I gave myself nerve damage...from coloring in an adult coloring book. That was three years ago, and I still have a lot of problems with my whole right arm."
18. "Threw my back out while drying my hair."
19. "I went to my grandson’s 5th birthday party at a place where you can interact with 'wild' animals. We were booked in the lemur room with about 15 or so lemurs running around! I was the last one to get there, and I am visually impaired — in my case, I have no depth perception."
20. "Not maybe too silly, but I skidded a little on a patch of wet fallen leaves, landed on my tuchis…via my leg, which snapped loudly. Broken fibula. [Because of] leaves. *shakes fist à la Grampa Simpson*"
21. "After my second spinal fusion surgery (not the stupid part), I was home alone and [my] roommate's cat shit in the hall. I 'had' to clean it up, [and] knelt down awkwardly to do this. [I was] trying so hard to protect my back situation that I severed a tendon in my leg."
"[The] good news was it was a tendon that isn't really necessary, bad news [was] I got tons of blood clots because [of] lack of movement afterwards. So, there ARE worse things than cat poop..."
22. "I was using a butter knife to jam some butter down into the end of a baguette. I was really hungry, so I was in kind of a rush. The knife pierced through the bread, slicing a hole in the webbing between my index and middle fingers. Four stitches."
23. "I was eating a McFlurry and chipped a tooth biting into an M&M. I still LOVE McFlurries a lot."
—Anonymous
24. "I was clipping my toenails, and one flew up and went RIGHT into my eyeball and scratched it, causing me to have to go to the hospital and have this dye put in that made my eye glow under a blacklight."
25. "When I was 5 or 6, I got mad at my friend, threatened to throw a big rock at her, and lifted it over my head... Long story short, I was not as strong as I thought I was, and I immediately dropped the rock on my head and got a concussion."
—Anonymous
26. "When I was elementary school age, I liked playing with the cold ashes and coals leftover after BBQs. I found out the hard way that coals don’t always cool down completely within only a few hours. I lied to my parents about how I had burned my hand because I didn’t want them to know I had been such an idiot."
27. "My grandmother once broke her leg while asleep during the night. My mother broke a rib standing up from the toilet. I blame all my stupid injuries on genetics."
28. And finally: "I was [working at] a winter carnival for college students. During the marshmallow eating contest, some of the kids started throwing marshmallows around, so I jumped up on the stage and told them to stop with the classic 'It's all fun and games' line. No sooner than I said that, I was beaned in the eye with a marshmallow!"
