The Awkward Life Of A Dancer

20 things most dancers will understand and phenomenons non-dancers may have witnessed. [Originally posted on mcdisaster.blogspot.com - all thoughts & words are my own unless otherwise noted.]

1. Wearing your costume/full makeup out in public.

Dance Moms / Brooke Hyland / Via giphy.com

Because we're tired after dancing for a week straight and just want to get to the afterparty and/or eat some food. So yes, stranger at the bar, I'm wearing a leotard with sweatpants and have rhinestones glued to my face, and there are approximately 234,023,560,234,239,785,234 bobby pins in my hair. I'm okay with it; you should be too.

2. Taking off your fake eyelashes in front of non-dancers/in public.

Via beautybitten.com

When the eyelashes take some eyeliner and eyeshadow off with them, we look REALLY crazy. The opposite problem here is that because I have worn eyelashes so many times, people think I'm wearing fake eyelashes when I'm not. No... these are the real deal, but thanks for thinking they look great?

3. "Tap" dancing in the grocery store aisles.

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Or anywhere with a tiled floor? I'm not even really a tap dancer. Many of us stopped tapping years ago. Our tap shoes might even be a size and a half too small but we just can't part with them. It doesn't make any sense, but give me a tiled floor and some space and I will pull out tap choreography from the late 90's. Sometimes we do it without even realizing we're not just walking. Let me just shuffle ball change while I check these eggs.

4. Cracking joints/stretching outside of the dance studio.

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Our bodies hurt. We've been jumping and falling and bending and twisting our bodies since we were potty trained and cleared to start dance classes before we could read. We might only be in our 20's or early 30's, but we're elderly in the dance community. Ice packs, heating pads, foam rollers, Icy Hot, Ibuprofin, stretching, massages, acupuncture, you name it, we know about it. Almost every joint in my body now cracks. If I tilt my neck to the side, it cracks. Before I start dance rehearsals, I have to crack my hips. Sometimes when I'm in the zone at work and in deep thought, I crack my neck, back, chest, ankle, etc. without realizing it. Until of course, I see the horrified expressions of the co-workers who sit within a 10 foot radius of me.

5. Wearing booty shorts as if they're acceptable items of clothing to be worn in public.

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This happens less often once you're out of college because it's somehow less acceptable... weird. But if we're just walking out of rehearsal and we're sweating, we aren't throwing those sweatpants on (even if they're inside-out) until we cool down a little.

6. Listening to one song on repeat to come up with choreography.

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I'll be on the bus listening to one section of a song on repeat for 10 minutes before I realize that people are staring. Oh, I only like this part of the song and I like it A LOT. Just kidding, I'm trying to picture choreography in my head because I need to teach something tonight and I'm not prepared. Apparently my headphones are not the noise canceling kind and everyone nearby can hear exactly what I'm listening to. Sorry I'm not sorry.

7. Pulling out choreo at a party when your song comes on.

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And by "your song," I mean any song that you've ever performed choreography to in life. If a song the dance team performed to comes on at a school dance or party, dancers just suddenly appear and start performing, unplanned flash mob style. Just because we're not in costume, it doesn't mean we aren't ready to perform.

8. Coming up with/testing choreo ANYWHERE if inspiration hits.

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This includes: on the bus, while walking down the street, in Starbucks, the office bathroom - preferably the handicap stall when the choreography includes turns, in my apartment at 3:00 a.m. I have found myself so invested in a song and dreaming up choreography while walking to work that I'm actually doing the arm movements full out without realizing it. I'm that crazy person.

9. Inappropriate dance moves at parties.

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We might deny that we've done this, but we've at least witnessed it. Have you ever been at a wedding, college party, anywhere there's a DJ and a dancer pulls out fouette turns or ends up in a full split on the dance floor? While wearing a dress?

10. Trying to participate in another activity/sport but dance training gets in the way.

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Skiing turned-out... not a good idea. Pointed toes and trying to be too graceful while playing nearly any sport is just plain awkward.

11. Bending over to pick something up without bending at the knees...

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...or sitting in a straddle while hanging out. What? People don't do that? I have no problem bending at the waist and putting my full palms on the ground without bending my knees. So sometimes we forget to bend our knees like "normal people" when we drop our pens. It's almost fun because we get to pick up that pen and stretch a tiny bit while we're at it.

12. Bobby pins. Everywhere.

Via pinterest.com

On any given day I can find bobby pins in: my bed, all over my bedroom floor, in my car, in the bathroom, in any bag/purse I've ever used, in the washing machine and/or dryer, mixed in with jewelry, in coat pockets, on my desk at work. I felt something in my shoe while I was walking to work last week. When I got to my desk and took off my shoe to dump out the "pebble," it was a bobby pin. This explains why I never have enough pins when I need them...

13. Saying "one more time" but it's never actually one more time.

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Or my favorite saying, "one mo' 'gain." It almost never actually means one more. It usually means 5+ more times. It's a cruel way to trick your dancers into dancing full out until they legitimately can't breathe.

14. You have your friends and then you have your dance friends.

Dance Moms / Via giphy.com

I have my real life and then my dance life. Sometimes there is overlap, but I mostly live a double life. Each life has it's own dress code and wardrobe. You have your friends and then you have your dance friends. Dancers who are able to make their dance life their real life, they're living the dream.

15. Saying "I can't, I have dance" almost daily.

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Or at least often enough that your friends stop inviting you to things.

16. Owning a performance suitcase.

JMcD, model: RayBuff / Via mcdisaster.blogspot.com

Full of things like: blue eyeshadow, or really eyeshadow in every possible color; rhinestones; safety pins; fake eyelashes; eyelash glue that you might use for eyelashes but also use to glue rhinestones or various other objects to your body; a variety of fake hair because you need a fake bun, fake ponytail and extensions; super bright blush; foundation that is several shades darker than your actual skin tone; clear nailpolish in case you get a run in your tights; nail polish remover so that you don't get scolded if you forgot to take off your nail polish; Q-tips; cotton balls, Band-Aids; and a different pair of shoes for every dance you're performing. It took a suitcase full of supplies and 2 hours to get me to look like this for a performance that might last 2 minutes.

17. Body tights.

Capezio / Via capezio.com

We love them, but they look crazy. They also make it difficult to make a quick trip to the restroom during a show. "I have to pee. Crap, I'm wearing body tights... I can hold it for an hour, I don't have time between pieces." Body tights are awesome because they don't pinch your waist to create awkward rolls.

18. We can sort of speak French. Not really.

Via merriam-webster.com

I don't understand French or how the language works at all but I can recite at least 20 French words and know exactly what they mean. Then I accidentally use words like "plié" instead of saying bend in real life.

19. Trying to explain the reason you have bruises all over your body.

Via mcdisaster.blogspot.com

...or attempting to cover them up with make up. All of your friends have made jokes about the deep purple bruises on your knees. They're from knee-drops, I swear.

20. Photoshoots on a weekend morning are normal.

Jordan Matter Photography / Via dancersamongus.com

And you should use your headshot or sassy full-body dance shot as a profile picture on Facebook. Actors, I'm looking at you too. Shout-out to the random passers-by who decide to try and photobomb our headshots.

[Do yourself a favor and check out Jordan Matter's "Dancers Among Us" for some truly incredible examples.]