10 Reasons NOT To Be A Suicide Bomber

Ten simple truths about the career path of an Islamic-Jihad 'martyr'

'Oops, I did it again...'

1. Such a career choice is almost certain to piss off your mother.

2. It would be very difficult to find a girlfriend which such gruesome hopes for the future.

3. Killing yourself in the hopes that you will be met by 70 virgins in the afterlife is not all its cracked up to be. I mean, what if they turn out to be seventy old nuns? Not very appealing, is it? You never know. It's a big risk to take.

4. The funeral would be very messy indeed.

5. What to wear for such an occasion?

6. I don't think I-Pods are 'Jihad-proof.'

7. Your child will likely not have a very good time on your 'bring-your-kid-to-work' day.

8. There is no cigarette smoking allowed in the afterlife.

9. Occupational hazards include loss of limbs, decapitation, rape and imprisonment in the event you choose to leave 'the movement' and follow a different career path.

10. The dishevelled, unshaven, black-facemask look is really rather unattractive.