What I Learned From The 16 Best Belieber Responses To Bieber’s Baby Drama

When Mariah Yeater came forward and filed a paternity suit against Justin Bieber I didn’t really know what to think. After all I’m no expert on The Biebs. So I turned to a place full of people with PhDs in Bieberonomy: Twitter. Here’s what I learned.

1. Beliebers Understand The Law

But they still think it’s okay to pee in a famous person’s bed.

2. Beliebers Sometimes Call Justin Bieber The N-Word

I’m not sure why…

3. Beliebers Are Empathetic

Unless they don’t like you. Then you should die.

4. Someone Named Kenny Makes Sure Bieber Has No Privacy

Or something. I actually don’t know. I didn’t want to waste time with a Google search on that one. But I guess he would never let Bieber have sex with a fan.

5. Justin Bieber Doesn't Go Around Fucking Random People

I also learned that if you seriously believe that Mariah Yeater is telling the truth, then you should just get the fuck off Twitter. Adrian Chen, I think she’s talking to you.

6. There Are 13 Million Beliebers Who Are Ready To Kill

Fans 13,000,001 through 30,000,000 are however pacifists.

7. Beliebers Have Their Own Hashtag Inside Jokes

And this person has the ability to “Biebsgasm” which seems like cause for medical concern.

8. Beliebers Love Poetry

And again, many love murder.

9. Beliebers Love Emoticons

This girl will murder Mariah Yeater with a smile on her face. :D

10. Beliebers Are Familiar With My Mythology-Based Religion

And everyone knows that the People-Eating Purple Unicorn Frog or as we call it The Pepuf (pronounced Peh-Poof) is the most sacred of our Gods.

11. Beliebers Are Knowledgeable About Medicine

I luckily have recently tested negative for Mariah Yeater. Thank Pepuf.

12. Beliebers Love Memes

Y U NO jump?

13. Beliebers Don't Understand Why People Have Sex

I can think of a few reasons why Justin would hypothetically fuck a 20 year old girl.

14. Sometimes They Call People Who Aren't Justin The N-Word.

Again… No idea.

15. Beliebers Don't Believe Real Fans Should Ever Bother Their Idols With Small Things

Like paternity tests.

16. Beliebers Have Active Imaginations

In which they are all Mariah Yeater.

BONUS THING I LEARNED: Beliebers Are Crazy

This wasn’t a response to the baby rumors. It was just an insane thing that someone said.


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