1. Beliebers Understand The Law
But they still think it’s okay to pee in a famous person’s bed.
2. Beliebers Sometimes Call Justin Bieber The N-Word
I’m not sure why…
3. Beliebers Are Empathetic
Unless they don’t like you. Then you should die.
4. Someone Named Kenny Makes Sure Bieber Has No Privacy
Or something. I actually don’t know. I didn’t want to waste time with a Google search on that one. But I guess he would never let Bieber have sex with a fan.
6. There Are 13 Million Beliebers Who Are Ready To Kill
Fans 13,000,001 through 30,000,000 are however pacifists.
7. Beliebers Have Their Own Hashtag Inside Jokes
And this person has the ability to “Biebsgasm” which seems like cause for medical concern.
8. Beliebers Love Poetry
And again, many love murder.
9. Beliebers Love Emoticons
This girl will murder Mariah Yeater with a smile on her face. :D
10. Beliebers Are Familiar With My Mythology-Based Religion
And everyone knows that the People-Eating Purple Unicorn Frog or as we call it The Pepuf (pronounced Peh-Poof) is the most sacred of our Gods.
11. Beliebers Are Knowledgeable About Medicine
I luckily have recently tested negative for Mariah Yeater. Thank Pepuf.
12. Beliebers Love Memes
Y U NO jump?
13. Beliebers Don’t Understand Why People Have Sex
I can think of a few reasons why Justin would hypothetically fuck a 20 year old girl.
14. Sometimes They Call People Who Aren’t Justin The N-Word.
Again… No idea.
15. Beliebers Don’t Believe Real Fans Should Ever Bother Their Idols With Small Things
Like paternity tests.
16. Beliebers Have Active Imaginations
In which they are all Mariah Yeater.
BONUS THING I LEARNED: Beliebers Are Crazy
This wasn’t a response to the baby rumors. It was just an insane thing that someone said.
- Donald Trump promised insurance for everyone this weekend, but Senate Republicans say they assume he misspoke.
- President Barack Obama shortened Chelsea Manning's 35-year sentence for leaking documents to WikiLeaks. She'll be freed in May.
- Blue Lies Matter: Video finally proved that police officers lie — and why they get away with it.
- A Toronto man is on a mission to bathe at a different stranger's house every day this month. And so far, so good 🛀