1. Dontari Poe Got Romantic With Roger Goodell
Dontari: I didn’t expect to feel this way…
Dontari: It’s the hair. It’s so… Red. I can’t help myself.
2. The Browns Drafted Brandon Weeden, The Oldest Player Ever Drafted
3. AdaRn Schefter Made His Triumphant Return
Twitter’s favorite ESPN-imitating troll was back giving fake news. His mayhem wasn’t as wide spread as the last time, but both Jets and Browns fans freaked out for a second, which is pretty cruel really. Do those two fan bases really need more pain?
5. Melvin Ingram And Roger Goodell Had An Awesome Handshake
But then Chevy Chase paid them to teach him how to do it and they both felt like whores. It was surprisingly sad.
6. Andrew Luck Became The Really Goofy Face Of The Indianapolis Colts
7. No Seriously, He Was Really Goofy
8. Like “Asked His Older Sister’s Best Friend To Prom” Goofy
9. Like Calls Roger Goodell “Rog” Goofy
10. Like “The Living Embodiment Of The ‘40 Year Old Virgin’ Poster” Goofy
- South Korean President Park Geun-hye has apologized for negligence after lawmakers impeached her over a corruption scandal.
- Donald Trump will remain an executive producer on NBC's "The Celebrity Apprentice" while he's president.
- John Glenn, a pioneering astronaut and the first American to orbit the Earth, has died at 95. Godspeed, Glenn 🚀🇺🇸
- Uber finally laid out hard rules for riders: No guns, sex, or barfing, please 🚗❌