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    Gandalf's Guide To Clubbing

    Need some advice on how to have a good night out? Don't worry, as well as being sent by the Gods to defeat evil and overcome death, Gandalf is a wizard at nights out!

    1. Find the right crowd to go out with.

    2. When waiting outside a bar, it will definitely rain.

    3. When you eventually get inside, disrobe at the cloakroom as stylishly as possible.

    4. Remember, when you arrive, act like you own the place.

    5. Even if you don't know the song, just pretend to.

    6. Sometimes you might feel like the oldest one there.

    7. Act as if everyone else are your backup dancers.

    8. Who knows, maybe you'll get lucky!

    9. It's useful to have some kind of beacon in case you lose your group.

    10. Try not to become an aggressive drunk.

    11. Someone may offer you things you haven't heard of...

    12. ...this only ever ends badly

    13. Thought you were staying at one bar? Wrongo!

    14. Eventually you might start feeling bored.

    15. When your taxi home turns up, nothing will ever have seemed so beautiful.

    16. The next morning might be a hard one.