I'm here today with a simple, but profoundly important message.
And that message is this: The pumpkin spice trend has gotten way the fuck out of hand.
It's high time someone spoke up against this fall-flavored outrage.
So I will be that someone — that horseman of the pumpkin-pocalypse.
What started as a fun Starbucks tradition has turned into a horrifying plague from which nothing is immune.
Not even dog treats!!!
From Starbucks, it has spread to the craft aisle of your local Hobby Lobby...
...to the cheese section of your local grocery store...
...and even to the meat department.
"Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold; / Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world."*
"The orange-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere / The ceremony of innocence is drowned."
"What rough beast, its hour come round at last, / Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?" (Pumpkin spice hummus apparently.)
Even when the combinations aren't repulsive...
...they leave you feeling perplexed and helpless.
I don't even know what this is but I hate it with every fiber of my being.
Nothing is left untouched.