1. Tourists put Times Square at the very top of their to-do list.
It's actually hell on earth, and New Yorkers do everything they can to avoid it.
2. Even worse, they insist on getting a hotel there too.
This is the advice I gave a friend who was visiting NYC a few months ago. Stay in Times Square only if you're coming to see a bunch of Broadway shows and do nothing else.
3. They waste time and money taking cabs instead of the subway.
For all its faults, the subway is still the quickest and cheapest way to get around the city.
4. But when they talk about the subway, they mistakenly call it the metro, tube, or underground...
It's the subway or the train (mostly the train) — that's it.
5. ...and they refer to subway lines by their color instead of their letter or number.
A forgivable offense, but it's the Q train, not the Yellow line.
6. They pronounce Houston Street like the city in Texas.
Say it with me, "HOW-stun."
7. They think that everybody in Manhattan lives like Carrie Bradshaw...
Club, 'nother club, restaurant, bar, restaurant, 'nother club...
8. ...and they equate Brooklyn with what they saw on an episode of Girls.
Hannah, Jess, Marnie, and Shosh lied to you.
9. On that note, tourists tend to totally ignore the outer boroughs of Queens, the Bronx, and Staten Island.
Although I'm definitely not suggesting you visit all five boroughs in one trip.
10. Tourists spend hours waiting in line for Insta-famous food.
"Doin' it for the 'gram" is a monumental waste of time.
11. Or they eat out at chain restaurants.
WHY WHY WHY???
12. They waste time shopping in overcrowded Soho.
Despite the fact that those same stores exist 1) in shopping malls everywhere and/or 2) online.
13. They underestimate just how much walking they'll do in a day.
New Yorkers walk a LOT. You should expect to do the same when visiting.
14. Tourists fail to understand that most of Manhattan is a grid of streets and avenues...
Master the grid and you'll have no trouble finding your way around.
15. ...and that "uptown" and "downtown" define the way New Yorkers give directions.
Uptown means north; downtown means south.
16. They assume all New Yorkers are assholes who are too busy to help them with directions.
17. But then they stop in the middle of a busy sidewalk to take pictures and prove the asshole part right.
