1. The purchase
You like to think of yourself as a mature and respected individual, yet suddenly you are faced with having to pass over a sticker book (recommended for ages 4+) to a cashier. Do you A) claim you are buying it for your nephew B) make a joke about never being too old for stickers or C) just don’t say anything and the awkward situation will pass? The answer is no matter what you do the other side of the counter is thinking ‘seriously, how old is this guy’.
Remember when stickers were 25p per packet, well think again oldy! 50p per packet nowadays which is 100% inflation, making every swap you open worth 8.33p. That’s the same price as 83% of a Fredo. Which are not 10p either anymore. I give up.
3. Stickers become currency
Most of your stickers pre-15 years old were funded out of a parent’s pocket, now suddenly you are accountable for each packet bought. Not only does this add up, but suddenly sticker packets become a convertible currency. Buying a beer for £5, suddenly conjures thoughts of “I could have got 10 packs of stickers for that”.
Life was much simpler when the peak of your mathematical abilities was the 12-times table (13 was a killer). Now you most likely have at least an E in GCSE mathematics, you may be able to work out how much you will have to spend to complete a sticker book. According to one estimate, you would need to buy 824 packs of stickers to fill this year’s album at a total cost of….£412! Explain that one to the Mrs when you don’t take her out for dinner over the World Cup period.
5. Swaps cartel
No longer can you stroll through a playground with the luxury of selecting which child to swap your doubles with. In fact if you do attempt this, you will most likely end up in jail. Instead you now have to identify the ever-shrinking small group of friends you have which are also collecting stickers and trade swaps with them. Which brings up the next point…
6. Swaps rendezvous points
As an adult, where is it socially acceptable to trade your swaps stickers? Pub? House? Football match? Taking your book to any of these places is a bit strange and stickers and alcohol is a dangerous mix.
7. Going public
Risk vs reward…do you open up to owning the book on the basis that others may flock to you with promises of that England shiny you need. Risk vs reward…you decide.
Is it okay to trade a sticker for a beer? This collector says yes.
Not many things will sway your attention away from the ultimate goal of completing a sticker book as a kid. But the older you grow, the more things you have going on around you. The more responsibilities you have. The more bills you need to pay….face it you’ve forgotten about the book just reading about this list of depressing realities.
10. Neymar is how old?
That’s right the star of the forthcoming World Cup is just 22, born in 1992, probably when you had your first sticker book. Realising this may put you off the idea of collecting these stickers all together.
11. The end goal
So you’ve overcome struggles 1 through 10 and reached the promise land of completing the sticker book…now what?
I suggest some form of public announcement followed by a ceremony featuring a crown and the song from the Champions League intro while being carried into a palace by the winning World Cup team and presented with said crown by David Beckham.
Best of luck!
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