14 Things Only Long Islanders Understand

Think you're a true member of this great Island? Read this!

1. You have had enough of the big duck.

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You pass by the big duck and Hiss at it. You have had it up to here with that big terrible bird.

2. You have had the same nightmare about Adventureland every night.

Every night you dream of the wet log flume from that Long Island Amusement Park. You are in the Log, going up that clanky hill, when you look at your friends in the Log. They are all wearing bathing suits. You are wearing normal clothes. Looks like someone's gonna get soggy, buddy. Just as you are about to go down the big drop, time stops. You are suspended in this terrible moment when you must think about how bad it will feel when you are walking around that rickety and dreadful park with your damp and moist clothing on your sad and lonely body.

This dream haunts the minds of you and your Fellow Long Islanders.

3. When you were a baby, you were abandoned at the Long Island Game Farm.

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The goats took you in and raised you as one of their own and it was magnificent. You lived as a beautiful goat person until the grumpy zoo men saw through your clever ruse. "He is not one of the goats," they said as they threw you to the curb. You are now normal and good because of therapy to your brain, but you can still only eat brown cylindrical pellets out of the hands of eager children.

4. No matter what the flavor, Ralph always has the Italin Ice for you.

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Whether you're craving orange, melancholy, 3, or lice, Ralph is not physically able to say no. He always serves it up right.

5. You have never seen the end of this Long, Long, Island.

You have traveled east by car, or even by the Great LIRR Train, but you have never found the end. It is too too long, this island. This island is so long. That's why they call it Long Island, baby.

6. You have tried to burn the big duck down, but it can Not burn.

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The big duck lives forever.

7. You have never seen a coyote.

Not even once.

8. You long to be the conductor of the Adventureland Train.

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You remember being in grade school and the teacher asking the class, "What would you like to be when you grow up?" Oh, how the vivid memory flashes in your mind's eye. The whole class would jump to their feet, their light-up sneakers blinking in unison. "I DESIRE TO CONDUCT THE TINY TRAIN," you would all scream.

Every moment of every day, you think about how pleasing it would feel to be that big man who has the honor to drive that tiny train around the park. What a life it would be.

9. You thirst for Arizona.

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You have torn open a tall, tall can of the scrumptious elixir with your teeth and sucked that great potion we call "Arizona Iced Tea" out of its jarring, aluminum prison into your soft, welcoming belly.

10. Those Long Island Bagels

Once and a while, you come across a special box tucked away in your closet. You stand on a chair to reach the high shelf where you stow this treasured chest. Upon opening it, you are faced with delicately wrapped paper towel parcels. When you open them, you think back to your childhood, taking trips to the sandy beaches of Long Island, New York. You remember how excited you would get when, out of the corner of your eye, you would see a little glimmer. Could it be? Yes it could! Poking out of the Sand was a famous, delicious Long Island Bagel. These puppies come in all kinds of flavors, such as salt. You may even find a green one on Saint Patrick's Famous Day.

Everyone who grew up on Long Island knows what it's like to wrap up a rare bagel and put it in a closet for the sake of the preservation of Sacred Memories.

11. That Long Island Conversation.

You've been in a group of people when the conversation reaches a natural lull. Instead of bringing up the weather or whipping out the ol' smart phone to show everyone your favorite video, you and your Long Island Brethren immediately scream about the big bad duck. Gosh, you hate that big piece of crap so much.

12. The LIE

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You love going through the loop-de-loop on the Long Island Expressway. Your favorite part of your morning commute is driving fast enough to make it through he big concrete loop. Again! Again!

13. News 12 Long Island

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Your cable box only gets twelve channels and they're all Channel 12. News 12 Long Island, as local as local news gets. Only on cable, baby.

14. You remember your first ride on the Great LIRR Train

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You recall that great first ride on the Luxurious LIRR (Long Island Rail Road) Train. You were going to The City (the name We Long Islanders have coined for the Island whom the others call Manhattan). When you stepped foot on the train, you saw that all 56 Billy Joels came out to welcome you to your first train ride to the city. That's what L.I. (Long Island) is all about!