MTV's 'Carmen: A Hip Hopera' Is Even More Ridiculous Than You Remembered

Beyoncé's first film had rapping, scary tarot card readings, and some continuity problems. But it's a joy to watch.

Can we please talk about the MTV film Carmen: A Hip Hopera, aka Beyoncé's first starring role?

MTV / Via millestravel.com

It's hard to remember a world where Mekhi Phifer gets top billing over Beysus, but so it was way back in 2001. The film was a hip hop-inspired reimagining of the Dorothy Dandridge film Carmen Jones, which itself was a reimagining of the 1875 opera Carmen.

The rest of the cast included the likes of Yasiin Bey (fka Mos Def), Rah Digga, Lil Bow Wow, Da Brat and Wyclef Jean.

MTV / Via youtube.com

So basically, it's like watching an episode of 106 & Park from the early 2000s.

Carmen's entrance scene at the beginning of the movie really sets the tone for the whole thing.

MTV / Via youtube.com

Beyoncé's rapping is legendary. #slickerthanaporpoise #thickerthanahorses

Wait, is that Beyoncé's dad Mathew Knowles playing the bartender?!

MTV / Via youtube.com

Actually, it's actor and former pro football player Fred Williamson. But don't they look alike?! Perhaps that sign in the back wasn't coincidental.

Carmen ends up getting herself arrested, but she's able to convince Derek Hill into letting her go with a very Destiny's Child-esque seduction groove.

MTV / Via youtube.com

Something tells me his fiancé won't be too happy.

Beyoncé, Rah Digga and Joy Bryant starred in the best Salt-N-Pepa video never made.

MTV / Via youtube.com

Seriously, how epic is this montage about making it big in Cali? All the vintage basketball references (Stephon Marbury, Kobe, Shaq), a shoutout to Roscoe's and the Fly Girl costumes make it all the better.

The best song and moment in the whole movie, though, is hands down the tarot reading scene.

MTV / Via youtube.com

CARDS NEVER LIE! Wyclef and Bey both brought the intensity here, with just the right level of camp.

Plus, that instrumental is vicious. And isn't Beyoncé's baby voice so precious? Aww.

Needless to say, nobody got a happy ending in this movie.

MTV / Via youtube.com

There's a lot to take in here:

1. If you're over 21, try taking a shot every time Carmen says "Let go of me!"

2. Have the paramedics on speed dial re: #1.

3. Carmen gets shot by Hill's crooked ex-boss Miller, killing her. Miller then tries to fire a shot at Hill (his intended target), but he's out of bullets.

4. Hill rushes after him and for some reason, forgets that Miller's already out of bullets.

5. Then, he tosses Miller to his death and is falsely arrested for Carmen's murder.

The bright side of the story? We have the narrator, Da Brat, to take us out with a classy eulogy.

MTV / Via youtu.be

The immortal, beloved Carmen Brown, there will never be another.

Indeed, Brat. Indeed.