Are Slow Lorises The New Sloths?

Sloths are like the Ryan Gosling of the animal world, but are slow lorises slowly - very slowly - surpassing their popularity? Here's evidence suggesting the superiority of slow lorises.

Slow Lorises Are More Ticklish Than Sloths

Have You Ever Even Seen a Sloth With a Tiny Umbrella?

Slow Lorises Make Slow Passionate Love

Sloths just aren't as into it.

Slow Lorises Have a Toxic Bite

It's a deterrent to predators, and the toxin is also applied to the fur during grooming as a form of protection for their infants.

Their Slow Metabolism Enables Slow Lorises to Eliminate Toxins from Their Food and Eat Food Fatal to Humans

Also they like tangerines.

Pygmy Slow Lorises Usually Give Birth to Twins

(The twins in this video are only rare because they were born in captivity.)

The Eyes of Slow Lorises Are Large and Have a Reflective Layer to Help Them See Better at Night

Sloths kinda suck at seeing (and hearing) - they rely on their sense of smell.

Magical Powers Attributed to Slow Lorises Include That a Slow Loris Buried Under Your House Will Bring Good Luck and That Their Meat is an Aphrodisiac

"Loris" Probably Comes from the Dutch Name "Loeris," Which Means "Clown"

It's still better than being named "sloth."

In the Late 19th and Early 20th Centuries, People in Borneo Believed That Slow Lorises Were the Gatekeepers for the Heavens and That Each Person Had a Personal Slow Loris Waiting for Them in the Afterlife

I hope to hell it's true!