10 (Mostly Gay) Books That Are Important, Easy To Read, Classic And Culturally Relevant That You Haven't Read Because You Studied Something Useful In College.

10 classics you MUST read unless you want to spend your life in basic literary squalor.

1. The Picture of Dorian Gray

Uncensored Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde, Ed Nicholas Frankle, Belknap Press

So The Picture of Dorian Gray by our old sodomite genius friend and the original eccentric Oscar Wilde is possibly the gayest and best book ever written. His only novel, this piece is chock full of insightful, frivolous quips ("Never marry a girl with straw colored hair, Dorian [...] they are so sentimental") delicately stacked amongst stunning imagery and art theory. I read this book once a year to remind me of the important things in life (which are nothing and flowers) and am never disappointed. It's a pretty easy and quick read, and I definitely recommend the uncensored edition (pictured), edited by Nicholas Frankle and published by Belknap Press, as it is physically the pleasantest (important) and has all those tiny extra gay moments Wilde had to throw out thanks to haters. (it also has the hottest image on the cover)

2. Giovanni's Room

Giovanni's Room by James Baldwin, Vintage International

Giovanni's Room by James Baldwin is a quick read at only about 180 pages but it packs a pretty gay and literary punch. This is Baldwin's second novel and it is HOT. Also sad. Think beautiful interracial gay couple (except one is married to a woman nbd) circa mid-fifties sharing a tiny apartment in Paris and getting drunk and angry and passionate all the time. That's basically what it is. Incredibly tragic in its smallness and compelling in its blatant address of homosexuality, this is definitely a MUST. Also, side-note, the main character is blonde and has blue eyes despite James Baldwin's being one of America's premier black literary figures. I think this is interesting and deserves more thought, but some people don't care. Read it. I have no preferred edition to recommend, but this version published by Vintage International (available on Amazon) has the coolest cover.

3. (all of) The Berlin Stories

The Berlin Stories by Christopher Isherwood, published by New Directions.

We've all read Goodbye to Berlin, or at least all of us who have seen Cabaret in any capacity and want to seem super smart and awesome by saying how incredible the original story is. It is true that the infamous Sally Bowls (later Liza Minnelli in a series of sequined caftans and bowler hats) takes her humble origins in one section of Christopher Isherwood's classic The Berlin Stories. What you might NOT know is that the entirety of this literary leviathan (it's a pretty lengthy read) is amazing. Isherwood is, of course, an incredible writer (and very gay) and the many characters that inhabit the rest of this book definitely live up to (and sometimes eclipse) ole green-nailed Sally. My personal favorite is a gay couple that Isherwood jaunts around with for a while in some lake-town along with the entire section, "Goodbye Mr. Norris." They argue a lot and it's fun and profound. You should read it. I read the pictured edition, which has all of the stories, (though Goodbye to Berlin can be purchased as its own book) published by New Directions.

4. Candide

Candide by Voltaire isn't particularly gay for any reason other than the fact that it is just awesome and hilarious and stupid. A poor (rich) boy indoctrinated to "optimism" in his little paradise who then goes through, well, basically everything. This is a prime example of 18th century satire, which you should learn about, and just a great quick read with a fun profound collection of messages (I would let you in on them, but it would seem that would run contrary to the very notion of cultivating your own damn garden so I won't) Just read it. There's an old woman who had to cut off one of her butt cheeks. What's not to like? There is also an Opera by Leonard Bernstein based on this satire which is very lovely and features the classic "Glitter and Be Gay." The only version you are allowed to like is the concert production directed by Lonnie Price featuring Kristin Chenoweth and Patti Lupone because it is hilarious and fabulous.

5. Hippolytus

Grief Lessons by Euripides, translated by Anne Carson, published by New York Review Books Classics

Yes it is true, Hippolytus (or The Hippolytos) by Euripides (yes, one name, like "Beyonce") is not a book, it is an Ancient Greek Tragedy. But you haven't read enough Ancient Greek Tragedy and I know that because you're reading this article and also no one could ever read enough Ancient Greek Tragedy. Why Hippolytus specifically? Well, I prefer Euripides because he's super wacky and weird. Hippolytus is the story of Phaedra, married to Theseus (son of Poseidon) who is cursed by Aphrodite to fall in erotic passionate feverish sex love with her hunky stepson Hippolytus who is incredibly hot but chaste and hateful of women (hence the gay part). Antics ensue. There's a whole monologue about how terrible women are, but I think it may be ironic. I don't know though, because Euripides is dead. Hippolytus is also the only play that Euripides ever re-wrote after the first version was hated by the public. Read it, it's awesome. I recommend Anne Carson's translation, which can be found in an anthology (pictured), Grief Lessons published by New York Review Books Classics. For extra credit, renown contemporary playwright Steve Yockey wrote a fabulous (and VERY gay) adaptation of this piece called Feverish which can be read at his website: www.redkingdreaming.com

6. Swanson on Swanson

This is the autobiography of Gloria Swanson. If you don't know who Gloria Swanson is, go watch Sunset Boulevard and drown yourself in the Los Angeles river you miserable dirt-swilling peasant. Is this is a real classic? Seeing as it was written in the 1980s by an ex-movie star who made most of her career off of wearing pearl dresses and gasping...ABSOLUTELY. Is it a quick read? No. This book is about as dense as the Bible but it is worth every (other moment). Packed with sex-scandals, abortions, descriptions of incredible clothes, Old Hollywood gossip, rape (yes, that part is weird), Swanson on Swanson deserves a definitive place in every alternative education. An old friend gave me this as an ironic graduation present, but I don't think he understands what irony means BECAUSE IT'S THE BEST THING EVER (I'm kidding he's a genius you can check out his work his name is Daniel Glenn). Should you read this trash? No. Must you to be a functioning member of society? Yes. I'm sure there is only one version. It is on Amazon.

7. Invisible Man

No, not THE Invisible Man. That book is dumb. (but also awesome) Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison is not about homosexuality really in any way, but the concept of social invisibility as seen here in the matrix of race speaks strongly I think to issues the LGBT community faces in a contemporary setting. This is a pretty long read but absolutely mandatory for every citizen of the USA. Heart-wrenching and enraging, Ellison's literary account of what it means to be a black man in this country is both compelling and devastating. Not a light jaunt, but a must-read, particularly if one wants a more comprehensive understanding of being a minority in Northern America.

8. Titus Andronicus

Another play. This one is by Shakespeare. And let's get one thing straight (pun intended): The Arden Shakespeare is the only version of the plays you read. End of story. I'm not being pretentious, I'm being right. Best notes, best editing, etc etc etc. Titus Andronicus is Shakespeare's FIRST tragedy and it is LITERALLY TO DIE FOR. This is the most violent thing I have ever personally read, and I took a class in school called "The Holocaust." Everyone dies. Hands chopped off, women ravaged in every way possible, tongues ripped out, everyone raped by twins, meat pies made of teenage rebels. Beautiful language in there as well, though drenched in every bodily fluid, and some wonderful tid-bits about fatherhood, aging and decay. I actually suspect a couple of things about this play, 1) that this is a sketch for King Lear and 2) This play is also Shakespeare working out some of his guilt (that I only suspect--no evidence other than text--he had) about leaving his children in Sussex with Anne Hathaway (who I also suspect is THE Anne Hathaway), just based on the amount of times that offspring are horribly and profoundly butchered by people at the indirect (and sometimes very direct) fault of their parents. This play is gay only because A. Nothing this opulent could possibly not be gay and B. Alan Cumming was in the BRILLIANT movie adaptation Titus by Julie Taymor.

9. Brideshead Revisited

Very gay. Very beautiful. This novel by Evelyn Waugh that you've never read because why would you have ever had the time for that has some of the best English writing from the second half of the 19th century (a big statement that I'm not going to back up and kind of hypocritical since it was written around the same time as Dorian Gray but w/e) Waugh's command of the English language is impeccable and somehow he manages to describe champagne and strawberries 3003030305 times without becoming trite. This is about rich kids at Oxford who are gay and features one of the best homosexual characters ever written, Anthony Blanche and one of the saddest kind-of-gay characters, Sebastian Flyte. Suffice it to say that Sebastian's best friend is an enormous teddy bear named Aloysius. The ending of this book is enraging and I haven't decided whether or not it's a flaw, so read up and tweet at me (@joe_faragher) so we can fight about it. An incredible (but rather extensive) TV miniseries version of Brideshead was made in 1981 and is very fun to watch. I do not have a preferred version, though I read the Little Brown Book Club edition.

10. Maurice

Maurice by EM Forster is very very very gay. It also was NOT published, as specified by Mr. Forster's estate, until his death in 1970. The book was written, however from 1913-14 MEANING that EM Forster had this incredible masterpiece of homosexual fiction sitting in his desk drawer for almost his entire life and never said anything about it (save a few close friends). Talk about a real-life metaphor for gayness. The book itself is stunning and beautifully frank, examining the very nature of homosexual love through Maurice himself. The ending is a bunch of things that at least SOME contemporary mainstream depictions of gayness should be and aren't. So there. Read it. And weep. I read the Norton edition. There is a great movie adaptation featuring a young Hugh Grant (light gasp) and directed by James Ivory, but read the book first because you owe that to homosexuals everywhere.

11. (Bonus) This Book About Malteses

This book is called Maltese and was published by T.F.H. Publications. It is (apparently) the number one selling Maltese book (I assume in history, since no other information on this ranking is provided). It is possibly the gayest (and best) thing I have ever read. Also, according to Susan Sontag's definition of camp, this is possibly the most authentic camp I have ever encountered. I have yet to find this edition on Amazon, and since I purchased it from Amoeba Records in Los Angeles for about a dollar, I can safely say it is within the realm of possibility that I own the only remaining copy. Every page has a picture of a Maltese in some sort of bow and perhaps the first comprehensive history of the Maltese. You're welcome.