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The 8 Soul-Crushing Stages Of Eating A Salad For Lunch

This is your life now.

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1. Hopes and Delusions

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The world feels full of possibility the moment you dig into a salad. Look at me being one of those people who eats salad. I'm really one of them. This is such an innocent time. You're starting a new, salad-filled chapter of your life and you're just one of those people who has it together. At this point, you really believe this will be a fulfilling and delicious lunch. Like a fool.

2. Pride

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You are literally the healthiest person in the world. Gwyneth Paltrow saw you eating the salad and thought, "I'll never live up to that."

3. Fear and Doubt

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As the goodies like avocado and cheese and protein start to dwindle, you wonder if this bowl of leaves will really be enough. What have you done? Did you really think this bowl of random stuff could make you happy?

4. Panic

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You were put in charge of selecting your own lunch and you chose poorly. Lunch is important and you effed it up big time. And now you'll have to live with the consequences for the rest of the day.

5. Regret

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Why did I do this to myself? The salad dressing is turning the sadness parade that is this "lunch" into a congealed ball of green mush. How does this count as food? There has to be a better way. THERE HAS TO BE A BETTER WAAAAAAAAAY.

Check out The 14 Stages of Ordering A Salad for more salad drama.

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