10 Reasons Barilla Shouldn’t Have A Gay Family In Its Commercials

Look, guys, spaghetti is straight.

In a recent interview, chairman of Barilla pasta, Guido Barilla, said the company would never use a gay couple in its advertising.

“I would never do (a commercial) with a homosexual family, not for lack of respect but because we don’t agree with them,” Barilla said. “Ours is a classic family where the woman plays a fundamental role.”

Looking back at past Barilla commercials, it’s clear why they can’t use a gay family.

1. Pasta is an important food source for heterosexuals.

Barilla / Via youtube.com

If gay people eat up all the pasta, then what will heterosexuals eat? Vegetables? I don’t think so.

2. Straight people rely on pasta to fall in love.

Barilla / Via youtube.com

If pasta gets too gay, how will straight people have romantic dinners?

3. Straight dogs rely on pasta to fall in love.

Disney / Via giphy.com

It’s Lady and the Tramp. Not the Tramp and Steve.

4. And then straight people rely on famous portrayals of straight dogs to fall in love.

Barilla / Via youtube.com

5. Pasta just oozes raw (hetero)sexuality.

Barilla / Via youtube.com

So sexy, in a traditional family kind of way.

6. 15% of heterosexual romances start from a stranger watching you make pasta through a window.

Barilla

Barilla

 

7. 38% of heterosexual romances start with a handsome chef bringing you a giant plate of tortellini.

Barilla

Barilla

Barilla

 

8. A whopping 42% of heterosexual romances start from eating pasta like this.

Barilla / Via youtube.com

9. A woman’s role in the family is makin’ all the pasta.

Barilla / Via youtube.com

Have you ever experienced the frustration of being a heterosexual woman about to make some pasta and then a gay couple comes in and makes it for you? What are you supposed to do then when your womanly role has been usurped?

10. And of course, the foundation of a traditional family should be built on pasta.

Barilla / Via youtube.com

Trust, love, understanding—you’re wasting your time. FOCUS ON PASTA.

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