For Everyone Who Constantly Spills Food On Themselves

You’re not alone. It’s time to rise up and spill proudly as one.

1. Everyone has something they’re really good at.

2. Some people are just really good at spilling food on themselves.

4. When it comes to eating, you are Fat Joe and/or Lil Wayne and the food is this money.

Make it rain.

5. Walking around all day like gahhhhhh.

6. Napkins are your copilot.

7. You just put a napkin on your lap and pray.

8. But they really need to make napkins like this.

9. Why are these the ONLY times when a bib is socially acceptable?


It’s not fair.

10. This SEEMS like a lifesaver, but it’s no match for your high caliber, expert level of spillage.

Like comin’ at the BP spill with an Oral B.

11. You know deep down this is a hopeless exercise.

12. At least people are super helpful.

13. These are all potential nicknames you could have:

Whoopsy McShirt-Stain
Spilly Von Clothes-Ruiner
The Human Napkin
Missed-Your-Mouth McGillicutty
Oops! McMustard
Lil’ Splatters
Micky “Saving It For Later” Johnson
Old Soup Pants

14. The odds of spilling when wearing new clothes go up to 100%.

It’s just simple math.

15. Wearing white is for other people.

16. Another awesome shirt taken out of the game.

17. But we don’t have to let this defeat us.

18. It’s time to destigmatize visible stains.

19. Turn the stain of shame…

20. Into a badge of honor.

21. Spillin’ and proud.

28. Can I get a what-what?

30. Spillers out.

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