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We Tried Kale Desserts And It Was A Huge Mistake

Why put kale in a dessert? But more importantly, why eat that dessert?

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Kale has been a trendy health food for a while. It's so trendy that people will try to jam it into any food, EVEN DESSERT.

Macey J. Foronda/ BuzzFeed

Since it's important to do things that scare you once in a while, we tracked down all the kale-infused desserts we could find and tested them out. Hey, maybe they would actually taste good! (lol)

Kale Popsicle - EatPops

Joanna Borns / BuzzFeed

Our thoughts going in:

Joanna: Such a gorgeous color.

Chelsea: Call me a fool, but I wasn't scared about this one going in. I like green juice most of the time and this just seemed like a frozen version of it.

Joanna Borns / BuzzFeed

Joanna: This tasted like licking the ground.

Chelsea: A big no thank you. THERE WERE CHUNKS IN THIS. I don't really know what of? But this just prolonged the bad parts of green juice. 100% did not enjoy, but at least it doesn't pretend to be something it's not.

Joanna Borns / BuzzFeed

Our thoughts going in:

Joanna: I've never eaten a muffin this greasy. I don't understand.

Chelsea: I went into this preparing to puke. It was really oily (LOOK AT THE BAG??) but also bright green so it seemed like the worst parts of both the unhealthy and healthy worlds.

Joanna Borns / BuzzFeed

Chelsea It actually wasn't that bad. Weirdly, whatever they put into it to make up for the kale was the part I didn't like. Mostly it tasted like a very greasy muffin.

Joanna: I didn't HATE it but I'm not gonna hang out with it on weekends or anything. It tasted maybe kind of good, but the grease factor was just so confusing. Why is it so greasy???

Kale Ice Cream - By Chloe

Joanna Borns / BuzzFeed

Our thoughts going in:

Chelsea: I had high hopes for this because I've tried this place's vegan coffee ice cream and it is on point. That being said, I was kind of concerned that this looked like mint chip, fully knowing it wouldn't taste like mint chip at all. It also jiggled for us which wasn't a great sign.

Joanna: When you try to dip a spoon into this "ice cream," it resists in a gelatinous, space goo kind of way. My concern was that this was a living organism that could potentially inhabit my body, take over my brain, and make me assist in the downfall of the human race.

Joanna Borns / BuzzFeed

Chelsea: The texture threw me way off. The initial taste was pretty good, but then the texture and aftertaste combined was like a fart in my mouth. And before you say the texture was weird because it was vegan, YOU ARE WRONG. This place does vegan ice cream right. I'm convinced it's the kale that made this weird.

Joanna: I hated this a lot. The aftertaste, man. It will haunt me for years to come.

Kale Chocolate Chip Cookie - The Kale Factory

Joanna Borns / BuzzFeed

Our thoughts going in:

Chelsea: I didn't understand why you would mess with a beautiful dessert like a chocolate chip cookie. But I was hopeful the kale would just kind of be there and no one would notice.

Joanna: This whole concept of "healthy dessert" is dumb. Just eat a real dessert in moderation and enjoy it instead of torturing yourself with some monstrosity with kale in it. I was slightly frightened by this cookie's sheen. Should a chocolate chip cookie be... shiny???

Joanna Borns / BuzzFeed

Chelsea: This dessert made me the most mad because no one invited kale here and it makes no sense to have chocolate chips and kale. At the end of it, you just want a damn normal chocolate chip cookie anyway, so why not just cut to the chase?

Joanna: When you first bite into this it tastes cake-y and not that bad. But then the aftertaste! The theme of kale desserts seems to be: AFTERTASTE.

Winner: Kale Muffin

Joanna: The muffin was the least frightening and tasted most like normal food.

Chelsea: This one had one thing that the others did not: It didn't leave a horrible aftertaste. And for that, I reluctantly call it the "winner".

"Winner" is a strong word here because none of these were ~great~. One thing's for sure: We did not win.

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