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50 Terrible Things That Are Better Than Listening To A Voicemail

Ban voicemails.

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All of these things are better than getting a voicemail:

1. A punch in the face

2. A slap in the face

3. Stepping in gum

4. Stepping in dog poop

5. Stepping in unconfirmed origin poop (maybe human?)

6. Getting a little bit of a stranger's sneeze on you

7. Listening to a waiter list all the specials of the day while making eye contact with him

8. Waiting in line at the post office

9. Making small talk in line at the post office

10. The smell of hot garbage

11. The cries of a baby on an airplane

12. A fraternity member screaming "woo!"

13. Being really, really thirsty

14. A box of dead rats

15. A box of live rats

16. Having everyone forget your birthday

17. Getting pied in the face

18. Salad for lunch

19. Tripping and falling in front of your crush

20. Biting into a real funky apple

21. Watching a commercial

22. Watching the same commercial three times in a row

23. Getting inside a casket to see what it's like

25. Shrill, high pitched screeching sounds

26. Hearing footsteps in another room when you're home alone

27. What it smells like at a water park

28. Musty old blankets

29. Screwing up a high five

30. When your favorite show is a repeat

31. Rain on your wedding day

32. A black fly in your chardonnay

33. People who like to argue about the meaning of irony

34. Someone correcting your grammar

35. Walking in on someone in the bathroom

36. Being walked in on in the bathroom

37. Listening to someone talk about the dream they had last night

38. Feeling barfy

39. All the stuff falling off your sandwich

40. Cheeto dust all over your fingers

41. Plain celery sticks

42. Being really sweaty

43. Fish market smell

44. Spilling your drink

45. Spilling your drink on someone else

46. Spilling your drink on your crush

47. Your mom throwing away your favorite childhood stuffed animal

48. A buncha worms

49. Falling out of a tree

50. All your dreams dying

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