50 Terrible Things That Are Better Than Listening To A Voicemail

Ban voicemails.

All of these things are better than getting a voicemail:

1. A punch in the face
2. A slap in the face
3. Stepping in gum
4. Stepping in dog poop
5. Stepping in unconfirmed origin poop (maybe human?)
6. Getting a little bit of a stranger’s sneeze on you
7. Listening to a waiter list all the specials of the day while making eye contact with him
8. Waiting in line at the post office
9. Making small talk in line at the post office
10. The smell of hot garbage
11. The cries of a baby on an airplane
12. A fraternity member screaming “woo!”
13. Being really, really thirsty
14. A box of dead rats
15. A box of live rats
16. Having everyone forget your birthday
17. Getting pied in the face
18. Salad for lunch
19. Tripping and falling in front of your crush
20. Biting into a real funky apple
21. Watching a commercial
22. Watching the same commercial three times in a row
23. Getting inside a casket to see what it’s like
25. Shrill, high pitched screeching sounds

26. Hearing footsteps in another room when you’re home alone
27. What it smells like at a water park
28. Musty old blankets
29. Screwing up a high five
30. When your favorite show is a repeat
31. Rain on your wedding day
32. A black fly in your chardonnay
33. People who like to argue about the meaning of irony
34. Someone correcting your grammar
35. Walking in on someone in the bathroom
36. Being walked in on in the bathroom
37. Listening to someone talk about the dream they had last night
38. Feeling barfy
39. All the stuff falling off your sandwich
40. Cheeto dust all over your fingers
41. Plain celery sticks
42. Being really sweaty
43. Fish market smell
44. Spilling your drink
45. Spilling your drink on someone else
46. Spilling your drink on your crush
47. Your mom throwing away your favorite childhood stuffed animal
48. A buncha worms
49. Falling out of a tree
50. All your dreams dying

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