Welcome Back To The Space Jam: Casting The Monstar Team For The Sequel

Remember when Bugs Bunny and Michael Jordan teamed up to save the Looney Tunes from enslavement? Of course you do! With Space Jam turning 19 years old, and a sequel to the highest-grossing basketball movie of all time becoming more likely by the day, let's take a look back at the Mean Team squad themselves, the Monstars, and examine who should be cast in the next one. All box score data is taken from Wired's article, "Compiling the Absurd Box Scores From Space Jam."

Muggsy Bogues

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The pint-size point guard was the only guard selected by the Nerdlucks to be part of the Monstar team, despite being the shortest player in the history of the NBA. Maybe they saw his grit and determinism as an asset they needed to have, or maybe they were impressed by his sick lobs to Larry Johnson. No matter the reasons, the "bright and eager" Nerdluck Nawt absorbed Bogues' basketball skills and became...

Monstar Nawt

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As the sole guard for the Monstar team, it would make sense to assume Nawt's assist totals were high. Though he led the team in ASTs, the Monstars played a greedy version of basketball where his 6 ASTs were the only 6 ASTs on the team. He did record 4 steals as well, but despite those flashes of hustle, Nawt finished the game 0-0 with 0 points.

Who should the Monstars pick as their guard in Space Jam 2?

Nate Robinson

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If we're sticking with small guards with a quick trigger finger, Nate Robinson is our man. We already know he can act, and with the hero ball style that the Monstars play, Mr. Robinson will be the perfect guard to lead the offense. Now if only he could get out of the broadcast booth and back onto the court.

Larry Johnson

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I understand why the Monstars did it: they saw Muggsy Bogues' sick alley-oop skills to Larry Johnson and had to make a play for the tandem. And it also takes a certain confidence to ball out of control in the guise of "Grandmama." Johnson also averaged 20.5 points per game during the 1996 season, and if we know anything about the Monstars, we know that they love scoring over all other skills. So with that said...

Monstar Bang

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...was a complete bust. Bang did utilize Johnson's powers to go 3-3 on dunks and gather 2 steals, but that was all he did. Of course, there is something to be said about Bang's play on the other side of the ball, as his aggressive defense caused multiple injuries for the TuneSquad. But when you're getting Larry Johnson, you're expecting a whole lot more.

Who should replace Larry Johnson in Space Jam 2?

Blake Griffin

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Blake Griffin already has beef with Marvin the Martian, so he may not even need to have his talent absorbed by a Nerdluck to slam it down in earth-shattering fashion against the TuneSquad.

Shawn Bradley

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Everyone's favorite dunk prop! Shawn Bradley never had any discernible NBA talent, so the Monstars must have picked him because... because... uhm... he was around at the time? And they felt they needed to have two centers for some unknown reason?

Monstar Blanko

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I can only assume Bradley's Monstar's name is a rib on his playing ability, because the box score for the climactic basketball game has a lot of blanks on it. Monstar Blanko was 0-0 with 0 assists, 0 steals, 0 blocks, and 0 points. If a tree plays basketball in space and puts up all those goose eggs, did it ever really play the game?

Which 7' stiff should the Monstars recruit in Space Jam 2?

Roy Hibbert

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The inventor of the verticality rule himself, Roy Hibbert may not be the franchise defensive anchor that he once was, but his past rivalry with LeBron would make him an asset on the Monstars. After all, not every basketball player can get into LeBron's head and cause him to practice teardrops like Hibbert did. Now imagine the satisfying conclusion when LeBron dunks on Hibbert during the final play to secure a win for team TuneSquad? I'm getting chills already, too.

Patrick Ewing

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If the Ewing theory is correct, then the Monstars have a shot at beating the new TuneSquad after all. But the Monstars have a lot of work cut out for them in replacing one of their heaviest load carriers.

Monstar Bupkus

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A fan of crop tops, Bupkus put up an astounding 15-16, with 34 points off of dunks and by going 4-4 from downtown. Despite being the only player for the Monstars to miss a shot (when Wile E. Coyote distracted him with some explosive dynamite), Bupkus' dominant display of skill and menace got the Monstars on a hot streak early.

What dominant NBA player should take over for Patrick Ewing?

Anthony Davis

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Anthony Davis was already a beast. Now he's eating massive amounts of seafood to bulk up for the upcoming season. But you know what's an easier way to bulk up than gorging on shrimp? That's right! Become a Monstar. Now imagine a unibrowed Monstar slamming it down so hard on Daffy Duck his bill flips around his head. I need that in my life.

Charles Barkley

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The Monstars had a thing for choosing players that were undersized at their positions, but at least Charles Barkley won the rebounding title despite being around 6'4". The story of Charles Barkley losing his skills and having an existential crisis about it is truly one of the best parts about the film. That said, whoever replaces Chuck in the next iteration is going to have some big shoes to fill because...

Monstar Pound

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Monstar Pound was the MVP of the Monstars. He filled out the stat line, going 16-16, 5-5 behind the line, with 6 steals and 37 points by dunk. Though he had Chuck's skill set, Pound was unable to pick up any rebounds. That's because there were no chances for rebounds, with both teams missing a combined one shot the whole game.

Who should replace Chuck in Space Jam 2?

No one!

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Chuck is too precious and iconic to be left out of Space Jam 2. Think about all the narrative threads that can develop if he came back! How will a retired NBA superstar deal with having the (little) golf skills he has left taken away from him? Maybe Nerdluck Pound will remember how great he was as Chuck, but then discover the tenuous nature of time when his knees are achy and his stomach is round? There is a wealth of material here, and the first movie only scratched the surface.

Whoever is actually cast in Space Jam 2 won't matter in the long run as long as we get a scene as perfect as this one: