Living With My Wife's Baggage

I had no idea when I got married that I was inviting these people into my daily life, and I'm pretty pissed off about it!

This Lady Takes The Cake. She's The Gross Evil Aunt I Never Wanted...

I can't do it anymore. My wife & I live in a 1 bedroom apartment & whenever Evil Aunt Abby is in town I have to leave the room. Her ghoulish screeching stresses me the hell out!

MTV Gave My Wife Temporary Custody of 16 Teen Moms...

As if 4 Pregnant Teens weren't enough to handle, we got an additional 14 Teen Mom's to get emotionally invested in year round as they traverse the perils of love & loss! I can't even go to Target without seeing their faces plastered on every other magazine these days! I don't think I can take the heartbreak of dealing with another year of Kieffer, Adam, Porn Tapes, Cocaine, Abuse, Neglect, Disabilities, and Fake Barb Twitter Feeds. I'm done!!

My Extended Family Has Grown Tenfold Since Getting Married:

We have room for about 3 people in our apartment, but my wife's Second, Third, Fourth & Fifth cousins are around almost every day now, pushing that number up to like 40! Also the weird Amish vibe I get from them freaks me out. I'm starting to feel really overwhelmed by the Dugs.

The Wedding That Never Ends...

We recently got married & had to go through all this stuff already, so why not see other people stress out about picking the right dress over & over & over & over, & over, & over, & over, & over, & over again!?

Is There Anything More Annoying Than Cheerleader Moms??

These B*tches! Every week I have to listen to them yell and scream at each other and their poor children. Now that allegations of harassment and drug possession are coming to light, I can't say I was surprised in the least. Stick them all in the SHU for a few years! #JustFinishedOITNBSeason2

My Sister Wives...

First of all...Ewww! I get such a yucky inbred feeling after having these "Morms" in my living room that I want to call in the maid crew to clean the whole place. Are these ladies really stupid enough not to realize that Cody is so full of crap!?!?

It's Awkward Having Little People Around When I'm Almost 7 Feet Tall!

As much as I love our neighbors Bill & Jennifer and their adorable kids Will & Zoey, every time they are around I feel very claustrophobic. I'm tall enough to be in the NBA so I barely fit in their home. Oh, and Will never shuts up about wanting "Cake!"

In Closing, There is One Person That Can Stick Around:

Barb may be a crazy mother, but at least she never fails to make me laugh!