The Conservatives have issued 12 approved pictures of David Cameron.
Tory candidates standing in forthcoming local elections have been issued with a chunky document setting out what they should and shouldn’t put on their leaflets.
The document has now been leaked.
Amid tips on how to make your political leaflets look “like a local newspaper or community magazine” are a dozen photos of the Prime Minister approved for use by Conservative campaign headquarters.
Let us count the ways that the Conservatives would like the Prime Minister to be presented.
1. Noble Cameron.
The sun is rising on a new Conservative age, an era so bright that our heads will start glowing.
2. Strident Cameron.
We don’t know what he’s spotted. But with the slightly scruffy hair, hint of stubble and distant stare the Conservatives would like you to know that he’s damn well going to take it on.
Because that’s what politicians do all day, right? The rest of us are so computer addicted that we can barely hold a pen but Cameron plods away, signing everything on our behalf.
4. Blue Cameron.
Blue - remember that? A reminder that Cameron is, at heart, still a member of the Conservatives. And owns the world’s largest single colour collection of ties.
5. Countryside Cameron.
Well it’s some enormous carefully-tended country house garden. But at least it proves that he knows that there’s life outside the M40 corridor.
6. Kettled Cameron.
That awkward moment when the Prime Minister found himself cordoned off by police for three hours while heading to the shops.
7. Nurse Cameron.
We’d like to know what the woman on the left is thinking.
8. Doctor Cameron.
Doing his shift at the hospital to help keep the NHS budget under control.
9. Biscuit-eating Cameron.
We demand a full judge-led inquiry into why no one is eating the custard creams.
10. David “Ronnie O’Sullivan” Cameron.
Never mind the pool table, we reckon someone’s got some pickled eggs on the go in the background.
11. Bingo Cameron.
“Legs eleven – please vote for us.”
12. Kindergarten Cameron.
Teaching the children of Britain how to live is just another part of the job for our Prime Minister.