Never a diva. But occasionally a real dick.
1. Never a diva. But occasionally a real dick πβοΈ
2. I can't imagine how stressful it is to be Gisele right now π
3. Guys I think my acid just kicked in π
4. I β€οΈ Gluten ππͺπ©
We're all pretending, right?
5. We're all pretending, right? π
6. I just want to go live with the girls from the "Sorry" music video π
7. If you call me on the phone I don't want to talk to you π
8. "You know me, I never cry" - a girl who is about to tell you a story where she cried about something stupid πβοΈ
"I can do that. Hold my beer" - My last words, probably.
9. "I can do that. Hold my beer" - MY last words, probably ππΊ
10. Tipsy and on a plane is my best self βοΈπΈ
11. "I'm the best person in the world" - me after I cook anything at all π
I scroll past your Instagram videos.
12. I scroll past your Instagram videos. π
13. Being well adjusted is probably fucking overrated.
14. Walnuts, you can fuck off out of my banana bread. βοΈ
15. Falling.
I'm so humble it's crazy. I'm like the Kanye West of humility.
16. I'm so humble it's crazy. I'm like the Kanye West of humility ππ
17. You know you're hungover when you brush your teeth with your sunglasses on π·
18. Hey baby... is that a phone in your pocket or is your penis just really square? π
19. Beer and ice cream dinner. CAUSE I HAD A LONG DAY DAMMIT GET THAT JUDGEMENT OUT OF YOUR EYES!
I like my men like I like my coffee. Silent.
20. I like my men like I like my coffee. Silent. βοΈ
21. Yes of course I got your text - I'm just ignoring it. Don't make it weird.
22. Sarcasm never comes across in print. Which I love.
23. "You're the only person in the world I don't hate right now" is as close as I get to saying "I love you" π
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