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21 Gifts The Most Pretentious Person You Know Will Love

Whether that pretension is literary, gastronomic, or generalized.

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1. A block of pure maple syrup so they can brag about their preference for shaved syrup. You know they'll love that.

Flaked syrup is the new shaved truffles. You heard it here first!Get a seven ounce cube from Mouth for $25.75.
mouth.com

Flaked syrup is the new shaved truffles. You heard it here first!

Get a seven ounce cube from Mouth for $25.75.

2. A pin to let the world know where their cinematic loyalties lie.

These pins speak the Truffaut. Get it from CuttinButtons on Etsy for $2.
etsy.com

These pins speak the Truffaut.

Get it from CuttinButtons on Etsy for $2.

3. A finger puppet/refrigerator magnet of their favorite historical thinker (because who better to hold up their Bed Bath & Beyond coupons that Nietzsche?).

amazon.com

A ton great scientists, writers, and philosophers (and also Schrodinger's cat) are available. They are adorable and I want each and every one.

Get them from Amazon for $8.99 or from the Unemployed Philosophers Guild for $6.95.

4. A book of New York Times crossword puzzles, from the hardest day of the week.

This one's for alllll the bragging rights.Get it from Amazon or Barnes & Noble for $10.54.
amazon.com

This one's for alllll the bragging rights.

Get it from Amazon or Barnes & Noble for $10.54.

5. A brew your own kombucha kit, in case those store-bought microorganisms are a just a little too mainstream.

The kit includes three different flavors—black tea, green tea, and oolong—for your fermentation recreation. Get it from Uncommon Goods for $99.
uncommongoods.com

The kit includes three different flavors—black tea, green tea, and oolong—for your fermentation recreation.

Get it from Uncommon Goods for $99.

6. An AeroPress, AKA the last word in informed coffee brewing.

Does it look like a penis pump? Sure does. Is it the fastest and easiest way to make an incredible cup of coffee at home? According to over 3,000 Amazon reviewers, absolutely. Studies have found that 87% of pretentious people simply will not shut up about coffee. And by "studies" I mean "trust me, I've been to a lot of poetry readings."Get it from Amazon for $29.95.
amazon.com

Does it look like a penis pump? Sure does. Is it the fastest and easiest way to make an incredible cup of coffee at home? According to over 3,000 Amazon reviewers, absolutely.

Studies have found that 87% of pretentious people simply will not shut up about coffee. And by "studies" I mean "trust me, I've been to a lot of poetry readings."

Get it from Amazon for $29.95.

7. A gift box of three coffee blends from Blue Bottle, a store beloved by coffee snobs and chicory aficionados alike.

If you're feeling especially generous, you could even spring for a subscription.Get a gift box of three six ounce bags from Blue Bottle for $35. Subscriptions start at $13.50/shipment.
bluebottlecoffee.com

If you're feeling especially generous, you could even spring for a subscription.

Get a gift box of three six ounce bags from Blue Bottle for $35. Subscriptions start at $13.50/shipment.

8. Moon Juice Brain Dust because wellness is this year's hottest pretension.

I cannot confirm that this dust makes you smarter, but I can confirm that Gwyneth Paltrow thinks it does, so...Get it from Amazon for $38.
amazon.com

I cannot confirm that this dust makes you smarter, but I can confirm that Gwyneth Paltrow thinks it does, so...

Get it from Amazon for $38.

9. A decanter that will improve the taste of wine and the look of a table.

If you want to further delight your pretentious loved one, you could ask them to explain to you why wines taste better when aerated. Get it from Amazon for $37.95.
amazon.com

If you want to further delight your pretentious loved one, you could ask them to explain to you why wines taste better when aerated.

Get it from Amazon for $37.95.

10. A minimalist phases of the moon calendar, perfect for design snobs and astronomy nerds alike.

Good ~tidings~ to you!Get it from the MoMa store for $17.95.
store.moma.org

Good ~tidings~ to you!

Get it from the MoMa store for $17.95.

11. A classic lit t-shirt, so they can let the world know they're hella literate.

outofprintclothing.com, outofprintclothing.com

These are ideal for wearing in Tinder profile pics, among other things.

Get t-shirts featuring a variety of book covers from Out of Print Clothing for $28 (available in sizes S–XXL).

12. Vintage French apothecary jars, which... need I say more?

Remember that episode of "Friends" where Rachel buys that apothecary table from Pottery Barn and then has to convince Phoebe that it's vintage?Well, these are actually vintage. Maybe don't mention that episode of Friends to your pretentious loved one, though. Mention Twin Peaks instead. Get a set of three jars from Food52 for $25.
food52.com

Remember that episode of "Friends" where Rachel buys that apothecary table from Pottery Barn and then has to convince Phoebe that it's vintage?

Well, these are actually vintage. Maybe don't mention that episode of Friends to your pretentious loved one, though. Mention Twin Peaks instead.

Get a set of three jars from Food52 for $25.

13. A grow-your-own-mushrooms log to get them one step closer to the farm(/log)-to-table dream.

food52.com

They're inoculated with spores! Coooooool. (Oh hey, in case you haven't figured it out by now, I am also sort of pretentious.)

Get a shiitake or oyster mushroom log from Food25 for $30.

14. A Moby-Dick themed party game, so they can be social with their snobbery.

It's basically Cards Against Humanity, but instead of humanity it's metaphors.Get it from Amazon for $19.95.
amazon.com

It's basically Cards Against Humanity, but instead of humanity it's metaphors.

Get it from Amazon for $19.95.

15. A handy little kit with everything you need to turn one of those little airplane booze bottles into a top-notch cocktail.

First class taste on an Economy Plus budget.Get kits to make old fashioned, a gin and tonic, a Moscow mule, a margarita, and a Hot Toddy from Uncommon Goods for $24 each.
uncommongoods.com

First class taste on an Economy Plus budget.

Get kits to make old fashioned, a gin and tonic, a Moscow mule, a margarita, and a Hot Toddy from Uncommon Goods for $24 each.

16. A refillable leather notebook that will make their deep thoughts so much fancier.

How many countries have you written Kerouac fanfic in?Get it from Amazon for $19.99.
amazon.com

How many countries have you written Kerouac fanfic in?

Get it from Amazon for $19.99.

17. An iPhone case that pays homage to the most pretentious pair of TV brothers.

Perfect for when they hear the blues a-callin' (tossed salads and scrambled eggs).Get it from Pidpenky on Society6 for $28.79.
society6.com

Perfect for when they hear the blues a-callin' (tossed salads and scrambled eggs).

Get it from Pidpenky on Society6 for $28.79.

18. A portable cassette player/USB converter, for anyone whose pretension takes the form of bragging about their stash of mix tapes.

They can convert tapes to MP3s, or just use it as a now-discontinued tape-playing device that for legal reasons I'll refer to as an Ambleguy.Get it from Amazon for $26.99 or from Jet for $24.99.
amazon.com

They can convert tapes to MP3s, or just use it as a now-discontinued tape-playing device that for legal reasons I'll refer to as an Ambleguy.

Get it from Amazon for $26.99 or from Jet for $24.99.

19. An annotated edition of Ulysses, for a gift that's also a gauntlet.

Depending on the level of pretension we're dealing with, the annotations could be either a helpful tool or a sick burn! (This is just the annotations, but you can get a Kindle version of the text itself for free.)Get it from Amazon for $31.43 or from Barnes & Noble for $20.08+.
ucpress.edu

Depending on the level of pretension we're dealing with, the annotations could be either a helpful tool or a sick burn! (This is just the annotations, but you can get a Kindle version of the text itself for free.)

Get it from Amazon for $31.43 or from Barnes & Noble for $20.08+.

20. A set of the official whiskey glasses of every distillery in Scotland, for the discerning single-malt sipper.

I like my alcohol like I like my men: aged in barrels. Get a set of four from Amazon for $25.50 or from Jet for $24.69, or a set of two from Amazon for $12.94.
amazon.com

I like my alcohol like I like my men: aged in barrels.

Get a set of four from Amazon for $25.50 or from Jet for $24.69, or a set of two from Amazon for $12.94.

21. Literary tattoos that are temporary, like their affinity for The Catcher in the Rye.

chroniclebooks.com, amazon.com

Think of it this way: these might prevent regrettable permanent tattoos down the line.

Get them from Amazon for $9.39 or from Barnes & Noble for $9.55.

May all your holidays be high-brow!

NBC / Via giphy.com

Do your holiday shopping with BuzzFeed. Check out all of our gift guides here!

Allison Krausman / Via BuzzFeed
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