Kim Davis: Kentucky's Time Traveling Wizard Puritan
On June 26th, 2015, in a 5-4 vote, the Supreme Court made same-sex marriage legal all across these United States. Soon after the ruling was made, the media was flooded with pictures of same-sex couples across the country enjoying their wedding day and celebrating a human rights victory. It was a great day for our country because moving further away from the oppression of a group of citizens is never a bad thing. At twenty-two, I was never sure that I would witness the legalization of same-sex marriage throughout the whole country. On that day I felt a great sense of pride in my country, its government, and our people.
I hail from the Commonwealth of Kentucky and I'll be the first to tell you about everything it has to offer. Rolling hills. Bourbon. Horses. Bourbon. A branding campaign with the slogan, "Kentucky Kicks Ass." Bourbon. I love my native state, but today, more than two months after the legalization of same-sex marriage, I'm feeling something very different. I'm ashamed.
Since the ruling in June the county clerk in Rowan County, Kentucky hasn't been issuing marriage licenses. Kim Davis has defied the Supreme Court's ruling and won't issue any licenses due to her religious beliefs. The woman is actually on camera citing the "Authority of God" for her backwards-ass actions. I now live in Colorado and my first thought when I noticed the story gaining traction in the national news was, "How do I explain that this woman does not represent Kentucky?" Kentucky hasn't always had the best reputation and it seems like Kim Davis is trying her damnedest to keep it that way.
I began to weigh my options. Of course I can claim, "We're not all like this!" because we're not and Rowan County is SUPPOSED to be a pretty progressive county. Then there's the, "She's just a religious nut," approach, but I'm not a fan of that option either. I have many religious friends and I don't consider any of them nuts. The term "religious nut" doesn't help stereotyping at all. Same with saying, "she's off her rocker." I dare not speak badly of anyone using rocking chairs because I would sit in one all fucking day if I could. I almost bought Gigli on DVD after I had to get up from relaxing in a rocking chair. It's a time when we're all at our worst.
So how do I explain Kim Davis? The only way I know how. She's clearly a time traveling wizard Puritan. Nothing else can explain the actions of Davis in this day and age. Let's break it down:
BELIEFS: Puritans are notoriously conservative. They moved away from the Roman Catholics to PURIFY their lives and didn't think the Church of England was pure enough. I've also read AND watched The Scarlet Letter. Poor Hester Prynne. Kind of weird that we CHOOSE to wear letters to label us in this day and age, but that's a different discussion altogether.
FASHION CHOICES: Now, I'm not here to fashion shame because at this moment in time I'm wearing sweatpants and a grease-stained Led Zeppelin shirt (comfort is key), but homegirl is wearing five layers during the dog days of summer in Kentucky. Do you know what that's like? Humidity is at a minimum 90 percent and the temperature is somewhere in the 80's. A little bit of cleavage during the Kentucky summer isn't a choice, it's survival.
EXPLANATION FOR ACTIONS: Davis is claiming that her religious freedom is the reason she can't issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples. Classic Puritan move. Puritans colonized in North America for religious freedom. Bold move and not a terrible idea. Religious freedom is great! Free speech is great! It's all wonderful, so long as you're not denying someone their rights.
FEAR OF CAMERAS: Davis was filmed asking a swarm of press to back away from her and leave her office so she can conduct her work, at least the work that she wants to do. She doesn't seem to be a fan of attention and the cameras are probably scaring her. Cameras didn't exist in the 17th century and she's probably suffering some culture shock under all those layers. It's like someone from Maine choosing to drive to Florida without knowing about all of the oddly specific outlet stores they're going to pass along the way. You're not ready and it's better if you just fly.
How did Kim Davis time travel to 2015? I don't know because I'm not Neil Degrasse Tyson. What I do know is that this explanation is the only one that makes sense to me. It's totally unbelievable that someone born in the last 50 years would have any issue with people marrying and loving whoever they want. Honestly, even though Kim Daivs is clearly a time traveling wizard Puritan, her behavior is still a bit odd. Her people moved here for freedom. That's all anyone wants. Freedom to love. Freedom to marry. Freedom to be who they are. That's the sort of principles this country was really founded on. Quite frankly Miss Davis, your people didn't almost wipe out a whole group of indigenous people and establish these United States just for you to be a law-breaking local official. Give it a rest.
Share This Article
