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Posted on Nov 13, 2013

31 Ways To Be The Worst Person At Panera Bread

"Hi, I want two bowls of French onion soup with no onions."

Are you a fan of the suburbs' favorite lunch joint? Here are some tips for not being a total idiot when you're trying to get your cinnamon crunch bagel, thanks to the highly recommended PaneraProblems_ Twitter.

1. Order acorn soup.

2. Be a predictable teenage girl.

3. Be bewildered by the idea of soup.

4. Lose your shit if you can't get a baguette.

5. Or a BURRITO.


7. Be unable to eat literally anything:

8. Fail to handle a bagel shortage and perform crude gestures to employees.

9. Do not understand the difference between a bowl and a cup.

10. Or basic sandwich math!

11. Or anything about anything. Understand nothing.

12. Force someone to concoct you this gross mess.

13. Ask for "FOCK-a-cha" bread.

14. Or "Santiago."

15. Demand soup that is ontologically impossible.

16. Commit assault and battery over your salad problems.

17. Try to murder the coffee cream.

18. Put non-free drinks in the free water cups.

19. Request additional genitalia with your order.

20. Call it the H-word.

21. Fail to play it cool.

22. Inquire about crouton quality.

23. Demand your bagel hand-buttered.

24. Dress up like a boar and demand sugar.

25. Ignore the concept of the pager return basket.

26. Or drop it off in the butter thing.

27. TL;DR the menu.

28. Do this:

29. Do this:

30. Expect a dollar menu.

31. Pull this move: