A Definitive Ranking Of Every Halloween Episode From "Roseanne"
Because nobody does Halloween like the Conners! (Spoiler alert)
8. "Halloween: The Final Chapter" (Season 8, Episode 5)
This episode starts off really strong, with a seance and some Ouija board activity. It feels like classic "Roseanne" for the first ten minutes, and then dissolves into some really strange occurrences. While she and Jackie play with the Ouija board, Roseanne goes into labor and is rushed to the hospital where she is taken care of by doctors in an assortment of Halloween costumes. Aided by hospital drugs, Roseanne goes to her "happy place," which turns out to be clips from previous Halloween episodes. After this little foray into past, Roseanne gets a visit from a dead Jerry Garcia. The episode then dissolves into a the Grateful Dead inspired hippie fest that has absolutely nothing to do with Halloween. When she wakes, Roseanne has a child whom she names Jerry Garcia. Aside from the first bit, this episode probably has less to do with Halloween than any of the ones which came before it. The opening scenes make you think that you're going to get another great "Roseanne" Halloween episode, and then it just collapses. The funniest moment is probably when Roseanne taunts Jackie with a bottle of Mrs. Butterworth after a laugh inducing lightsaber battle. It's also amusing when Roseanne's mother stands in front of a black light and accidentally shows some unsuspecting children her bra. Other than that, you're hard-pressed to find much to laugh about in this episode. The clips from previous episodes are a nice touch, but not enough to save "Halloween: The Final Chapter." I don't think I could ever hate an episode of Roseanne, but it's pretty easy not to fall in love with this one.
7. "Satan, Darling" (Season 9, Episode 7)
Newly rich Roseanne and Jackie attend a high society party with Nancy in New York. When Nancy abandons them, they attempt to mingle and run into Bo, who introduces them to Patsy and Eddie from the British comedy "Absolutely Fabulous." After a few drinks, all four of them end up in the bathroom completely wasted. Patsy and Jackie confirm to each other that neither of them are drag queens and Eddie attempts to get Roseanne as a PR client. After a few minutes of drunken hilarity, Roseanne stumbles through a hidden door and runs into a coven of witches that includes a character played by Arianna Huffington. These witches appear to be acting in a "Rosemary's Baby" capacity and ensuring that Darlene receive "proper" care. Darlene then goes into labor and gives birth to a child with who has hooves, red eyes, and horns. Roseanne eventually comes out of her stupor and Patsy helps her from the bathroom, telling her to "drink it off, sweetheart." This episode is a mixed bag for me, because while the second part of it is completely ridiculous, the first part is filled with everything that I love about "Absolutely Fabulous." Patsy and Jackie each assuming that the other is a drag queen gives me life, and so does Eddie telling Roseanne that she's going to use Jackie O's DNA to create something like "Jurassic Park." Beyond the drunken quips and physical comedy though, this episode falls flat. There's no clear plot, no direct mention of Halloween, and the last 7 minutes feel like a completely different episode. Patsy and Eddie are the only reasons that "Satan, Darling" is not the absolute worst Halloween episode on this list.
6. "Trick Me Up, Trick Me Down" (Season 4, Episode 6)
In this episode, Roseanne and Dan play a trick on their straight-laced neighbor, Kathy, who doesn't seem to find it as amusing. When she shows up at the Lodge party, Roseanne becomes convinced that Kathy's on a mission to get revenge. In the end, it's the children who get one over on the elder Conners. Roseanne is particularly pleased because she previously feared their children had lost the holiday spirit. One of the very best parts of the episode is when Dan and Roseanne come onstage at the Lodge and perform a short show and song as a dead Ventriloquist duo. Their costume, which involves tubing, took Halloween to another level and influenced the complexity of future costumes on the show. The song is also very entertaining, even though it does involve Roseanne singing. Jackie and Crystal come dressed in the exact same costume, although one claims she's appearing as Elvira and the other Morticia Addams. There are some very funny jokes made about that, particularly when they're both mistaken for Cher. This is also the last appearance on the show for George Clooney, who spends most of the episode in a moose costume. Overall, the episode has a few really entertaining moments, but it lacks the charm seen in many of the others. I've seen every episode on this list and it was the only one I couldn't immediately remember. It's "Roseanne," so it's funny, but there's nothing that stands out.
5. "Skeleton in the Closet" (Season 7, Episode 6)
For the first time, Roseanne has two competitors vying for her title of the Queen of Halloween: Bev, who is her mother, and Leon. The latter insists that Halloween is truly for the gays and throws a fabulous party at the diner where he dresses as Hillary Rodham Clinton. During the party, Fred (Jackie's husband) is seemingly outed and Roseanne goes to their house to tell Jackie and confront him. There, she finds him in bed with Dan before Nancy and Leon show up and reveal it was all a prank. Bev gets her chance to spook Roseanne the next day, when she divulges that she has been wearing a wig and is nearly bald. The entire family then remove their wigs and present their bald heads to her. As good as that was, Roseanne still tops them by "blowing up the house." This episode has some things going for it, but there are a few cringe-worthy moments involving gay jokes and stereotypes that keep it from being one of the best. Roseanne had several gay characters and generally treated gay and lesbian issues well, which makes these moments even more bothersome. Even though Dan and Fred's issues with being around gay men turn out to be part of the joke, it's difficult to find the humor there. All issues aside, the episode does have some very funny moments. It is particularly amusing when Dan mistakes several interested drag queens for women. What pushed this episode a little higher on the list though, is that until the very end, neither Roseanne nor the audience suspects anything about the pranks. It's rare in a Halloween episode for the others to get one over on Roseanne, and it's nice that this episode showcases that.
4. "Halloween V" (Season 6, Episode 6)
There's a lot going on in this episode, but it's all good. Nancy reveals to Roseanne that she doesn't think Dan likes her, and Dan confirms this to Roseanne. After trying her best to make Nancy think the opposite, Roseanne finally promises that Dan will be playing a huge prank on her to show his affection. Later on, when Nancy overhears Dan saying negative things about her she runs out of the room. As he tries to follow her, he breaks his nose on a swinging door. Nancy, being extremely self-involved, thinks this is the prank- even going so far as to tweak his nose as he's bleeding all over himself. Meanwhile, David (Darlene's boyfriend) starts hanging out with a new girl just as Darlene confesses to Roseanne that she would feel wrong going out with another guy. As David is downstairs with the new girl, Darlene arrives home and goes to find them. Darlene rips her head off in front of Roseanne and the whole thing is revealed to have been a prank. Dan pulls an awesome prank in this episode, too, sending a buddy to impersonate a robber at Roseanne's diner. Though this episode is lacking a bit in Halloween festivities (for instance, there are no costumes), it more than makes up for it with humor and decoration. The pranks in this episode are to die for, and so is the opening scene.
3. "BOO!" (Season 2, Episode 7)
This is the very first Halloween episode that "Roseanne" ever did and it centers around Dan and Roseanne each vying for the title of Master of Halloween. Their battle is waged in pranks that get increasingly more believable and frightening until finally a winner is declared. The Conners have also turned their house into a Halloween "tunnel of terror" for trick-or-treaters, which is beyond delightful and spooky. When Dan's boss for a new contracting job shows up, Roseanne enlists in his help to scare her husband. She shows him her sister's head on a platter, ruins his $50 tie, and then watches as his helplessly flails on the floor. Dan's face is priceless, and it seems like the battle is over until he dresses as Jason and spooks her in the garage. Never one to give up easily, Roseanne ultimately becomes Master of Halloween when she tricks Dan into thinking his in-laws are coming to stay. This episode is simply classic "Roseanne." It was the first one that introduced us to her love of Halloween, and thus set the stage for every episode to come. With its haunted house and caramel apples, "BOO!" makes me feel like a child at Halloween once more. It isn't the funniest episode that "Roseanne" ever did for this holiday, but it has an innocence in its humor that later episodes don't. It's a well done episode, and the pranks that Roseanne and Dan pull on each other are some of the funniest from any of the Halloween episodes.
2. "Halloween IV" (Season 5, Episode 7)
After losing her Halloween spirit, Roseanne is visited by the ghosts of Halloween past, present, and future. This episode takes on a more serious tone than the others, drawing inspiration from A Christmas Carol. As her friends enjoy the annual Lodge party, Roseanne stays home and looks despondent until the spirits work their magic. She is first visited by the ghost of Halloween past, who takes us on a journey through Halloweens from Roseanne's life before the show. The ghost of Halloween present takes her to the Lodge, where her friends are shown to be missing her- as well as making fun of her. Her mind is finally changed when the ghost of Halloween future warns that unless she regains her Halloween spirit, she will start looking and acting exactly like her mother. The best part is the ending, where Roseanne finally comes to the Lodge party dressed as the Statue of Liberty and pulls off the ultimate Halloween prank. She lights her torch, opens an umbrella, and watches as her friends are drenched by the sprinklers. This episode is also nice because it shows us just how long the spooky holiday has been a serious part of Roseanne's life. There's a good contrast between funny and serious in "Halloween IV," making it one of the better episodes overall. It also features Dan dressed as a decapitated Marie Antoinette, and Jackie as her head, which is one of the best Halloween costumes ever shown on "Roseanne."
1. "Trick or Treat" (Season 3, Episode 7)
There are two main story lines in this episode. In the first, Dan finds out that DJ has decided to be a witch for Halloween and sets about trying to change his mind. In the second, Jackie and Roseanne get stuck at the Lobo Lounge in their Halloween costumes. Roseanne, dressed in male drag, decides to use the opportunity to observe men up-close in their natural habitat. When Dan initially sees DJ in his witch costume, he hides DJ from his friends and attempts to talk him out of it. When he sees that DJ won't relent on the costume choice, he takes away his broom. Dejected, his son goes to the Lodge Party without his favorite costume piece. Eventually Dan realizes he's at fault, makes up with DJ, and helps him find a broom. Roseanne infiltrates a group of guys playing pool and attempts to act like one of them, even going so far as to use the men's restroom. She wraps up her part in the episode by giving some much-needed advice to her friend, Crystal, who has come to the bar to drown her sorrows. Apparently when she wouldn't put out after he paid for dinner, her boyfriend broke up with her. Roseanne tells Crystal, who thinks what happened is her fault, to stop blaming herself and to stop judging herself according to what men think. This is one of many "Roseanne" episodes about gender, and it makes several good points. Dan learns that there should be no problem with letting a boy dress up in a "girl's costume" if that's what makes him happy, and Crystal learns that you don't owe a man sex just because he expects it. Though this episode doesn't feature Halloween as strongly as some of the others, it uses the holiday to convey messages that were quite progressive for its time. "Treat or Treat" features some of the best one-liners in "Roseanne" history, and also some of the best costumes. It also has a scene where Roseanne and Dan pretend to be husbands, which is great.
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