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    People Who Have Been Married 10+ Years Are Sharing How Their Lives Have Changed

    "You will fall in and out of love with your spouse. It’s up to both of you to keep things going when you are 'out of love.'"

    I recently asked those in the BuzzFeed Community who have been married for 10 or more years to share how their lives have changed.

    People were pretty positive (for the most part).

    Here's what some of them had to say:

    1. "Coming up on 12 years married, 14 years together, two kids, and a house. You will fall in and out of love with your spouse. It’s up to both of you to keep things going when you are 'out of love.'"


    2. "My 10-year anniversary is this September. My husband had two small kids when I married him, and I cannot imagine where my life would be without all three of them. I was never interested in having kids of my own, and I felt like an idiot. I can genuinely say the experiences raising them with my husband has given me more gray hair and more love, depth, purpose, and joy in my life. 10 years is a long time, but it can be a great time, too!"

    Julia Malloy

    3. "People don’t tell you the best part is the reliable little things. The world might be on fire, but having someone know exactly how to cook my eggs is as comforting as a security blanket!"


    4. "After 13 years together and 10 married, I can say that I’m more myself than I’ve ever been. My husband has helped me through the years to accept myself and everything that comes with it, and not settle for someone else’s version of me. I’m so thankful for him and for how happy he makes me."


    5. "I’ve been married a decade this year, and having that level of support behind me all of the time and in everything that I do has given me greater confidence in all areas of my life. We know each other so well that we are mostly of one mind, but also, I learned not to let 'we' define 'me.'

    "It has been really important for me to regain my identity after having kids and to do things for myself to have a life outside of our home. My husband is very supportive of that and gets the same treatment in return. There’s no concept of jealousy in our relationship…unless it’s over Reese’s PB cups! He’s my best party buddy and partner in life. Make sure you find your best friend because times will get tough, and that’s when you find out what your relationship is made of." 


    6. "My husband and I will be married 10 years, together 14. Before my husband, I got into one bad relationship after another. Oftentimes, I mistook lust for love and I made some really stupid decisions.

    "After doing a lot of work on myself, I took some time off from dating and sex and held out for more. My husband is not the kind of guy women generally swoon over, but I fell in love because he’s kind, compassionate, funny, and puts me first. We had the usual passionate love in the beginning where you can’t keep your hands off each other, but as that waned, I realized what true love really is.

    "My husband is my biggest cheerleader, and I know he always has my back. He’s my soft place to land when I fall, and he nurses me back to health when I’m feeling under the weather. He’s kind to my family and friends, and they all love him. He supports my dreams and motivates me to be a better human being. I love him more than anything." 


    7. "My husband and I have been together for 21 years, since I was 15 years old. We waited 10 years to finally get hitched, so 11 years married.

    "Marrying my favorite person has made all the difference. Even after all this time, I still thoroughly enjoy his company, and we laugh all the time. It gets stressful, money gets tight, and our kids drive us crazy, but he’s my person. Trust, compromise, and similar values make a marriage. Also, date each other!" 


    8. "My husband and I have been married for 17 years. For me, it is unconditional love and support. There is an ease to our relationship. That’s not to say we don’t fight and shoot laser daggers from our eyes at one another. But that doesn’t end us; that doesn’t tear us apart. I know that there is nothing that will pull us apart. I have no fear of losing him."


    9. "We have been married almost 12 years. Learning to talk and learning to LISTEN to what is being said, not what your inner voice thinks it heard, has made a huge difference. You can't keep everything inside, and you can't ask someone to talk and then not listen to their side. I'm not saying we are perfect at it, but we try."


    10. "19 years together, 11 years married. Being able to laugh together is the key for us. We're always on the same team; it's us vs. the problem. I know I'm very lucky to be in a relationship where we both make the effort."


    11. "We celebrated 11 years last December. It doesn’t feel even close to that long. He is my best friend, and we have two amazing kids and a great little existence. We love each other exactly as we are. In the 11 years we’ve been married, I’ve never felt so confident, comfortable, and brave.

    "We’ve had growing pains and ups and downs, and it does take intention and effort. Some days more than others. But every single day, I am grateful for him, his cheerleading, humor, support, friendship, understanding. … It’s the most incredible feeling knowing you have someone in your corner." 

    Tabitha Martel

    12. "My life became steadier. Not boring but peaceful. I always felt like everything was crazy, you had literally no idea what was going on, and you just reeled from one crazy thing to the next, and it felt a bit like that for the first few years we were together and the first few years of our marriage, but now having been together for 16 years and married for 12, I have come to rely on the evenness we bring to each other.

    "I love the reliability of knowing he'll be there when I get home from work and that he'll have made dinner. I love knowing that when he is away for the weekend, he'll text me every day so I know he's well. I love knowing that on Wednesdays, he plays football with his friends and will be home at 10 p.m. Knowing our routines and being able to rely on them makes me feel safe and comforted if I have a terrible day at work or if I'm feeling upset or sad. Growing with and into each other brings me a kind of peace I never thought I would have in my life, and that makes me love him all the more." 


    13. "I've been married almost 14 years, together almost 19 years. ... Things feel the same really. We're still happily married with children, still best friends and get along great. Pretty standard really lol."


    14. "Married 17 years in December! We married young (23) and have been through some major life events. When we were first married, we were broke, lived in a tiny apartment, shared one broke down car, partied way more than we worked, and had no major goals.

    "But we were also totally committed to each other, and as we grew together, we eventually figured it out; that love and support have brought us to some amazing places. Two master's degrees, two PhDs, one beautiful child, a gorgeous house, and two successful and rewarding careers. It wasn’t always easy; some moments were much harder than others, but it has always been with it. I love the man more today than I ever thought possible. He is my best friend and my soulmate; I am so much better for having loved him. 

    "Ignore the cynics; they know nothing. True, selfless love makes people better human beings." —drlivingstonipresume

    15. "We’ve been married 13 years — the best part about being together this long is we can have total blowout fights, yelling, name-calling, crying, and then quickly apologize and move on. Half an hour later, we are watching Stranger Things and making out before bed. If you stay together this long, you just end up best friends; otherwise, you would have split up long before. We have three young kids, have moved six times (twice internationally), and battled infertility. I know nothing can stop us now!"


    16. "I’ve been married 21 years next month. We’ve been together since high school and married directly after graduation. He joined the US Marine Corps, and we spent the first 12 years being formed by that experience. We had our son during that time, and it created a lot of joy and heartache because of the separation.

    "Going through that really lets you know who you are as a couple. Can you handle constant separation and the unknown? Luckily, we can and are lucky enough to love one another after that and even more now. Remember it’s what you make of it." 


    17. "I have this insane sense of calm that even after nearly 12 years, it still surprises me. Before he came into my life, my anxiety attacks were unpredictable and frequent. They would cripple me for an entire day. When we met, I had a wall built up, waiting for mental games and emotional manipulation. He was waiting for physical and financial abuse. We learned from each other what love is and how to be better versions of ourselves.

    "We have both learned, at least for us, that it is okay to put each other first over everyone and the importance of alone time with each other, even just for conversations about movies and music. Every day is an experience with growth and learning with each other, and while it took nearly half our relationship to realize it, nurturing that is not only healthy for us but healthy for our children to see; that is something neither of us experienced growing up.

    "Neither of us ever thought that we would marry someone and that someone would also become our best friend. 12 years later, I have finally forgotten what it was like to have anxiety attacks frequently. He has taught me to relish in the sunrises and sunsets. He has learned it is okay to have hobbies separate and together. We both have never in our 38+ years felt so comfortable in our own bodies as we do now." 


    18. "I have been married for 22 years. We married super young and have made it through so much together from infertility to tragic deaths. I have suffered from crippling MDD (Major Depressive Disorder) for many years now, and I can honestly say that if I wasn’t married to this man, I would not still be alive. He has given me reasons to keep fighting when I felt like giving up. He has listened to me, helped me find the help I needed, reminded me to take my medications, and even came to so many appointments.

    "So, yeah, without my amazing husband, I would have ended my life years ago. He is my hero, my love, and my everything." 


    19. "My 10-year anniversary is coming up in October. We’ve been together for almost 20 years. High school sweethearts who started off as friends and started dating when we were 15. We have three wonderful kids together. Teen parents, but our love has been strong. Let me just say it was a long, tough road, but we stuck it out together, and it made our love so much stronger. Compromise is key. Marriage isn’t 50/50. It’s 100/100. Both parties have to be in it to win it. Lol, I’ve enjoyed this journey growing up together, and I cannot wait to grow old with him."


    20. "My wife and I will have been married 10 years this August, but together for 13 total. We've struggled with infertility; now we're finally getting the help we need (her job's medical benefits cover the treatments, thankfully). We've honestly barely had any fights or arguments, and her love of Disney has me constantly planning future trips to either Disney World or a Disney Cruise (we've done both, the cruise being our honeymoon). We've been there for each other through everything, and not a day goes by we're not thankful we have each other."


    And finally, an important reminder that just because you've been married a long time doesn't mean you're in a good relationship:

    21. "I was totally in love with my partner — we were best friends, and we were in complete lock-step in life. At about the 10-year mark, his personality shifted greatly — he became angry, toxic, and a habitual drinker. This was not the man I had known for the past decade, but I was determined to love him through this phase of life, no matter what.

    "I sacrificed a lot of myself to keep things afloat. He later admitted to knowing he was going down a bad path but chose to embrace it instead of fixing the broken things inside himself. 

    "Then I discovered he had been cheating on me for the last two years with, as he later admitted, hundreds of people. 

    "Within 20 minutes of my discovery, I had a bag packed and was in a taxi buying a plane ticket to who knows where. I never looked back. 

    "I’m glad I held on to my own identity during our marriage because I can’t imagine how much more broken I would have been otherwise. BE COMPLETE, WITH OR WITHOUT A PARTNER."