We recently asked the Gen Z and millennial members BuzzFeed Community to share some of the dating "rules" and habits they consider outdated.
Here are 15 of them:
1. "Not living together before marriage — this is SO outdated and so counterproductive. I think a huge part of a successful relationship is knowing if you can live happily with someone before committing to doing so."
2. "Making a mix tape or burned CD for your crush."
—Anonymous
3. "To an extent, actually breaking up with someone. Obviously, not everyone is guilty of this but I feel pretty confident saying ghosting has become a lot more prevalent. My older relatives were shocked the first time I told them about getting ghosted by someone I'd gone out with a few times."
—Anonymous
4. "People avoid actually talking on the phone when they're in the 'talking' phase, and I absolutely hate it. Part of the reason I actually gave my now-husband a chance was because he actually suggested talking on the phone rather than spend several awkward days/weeks texting. I always felt like the guys who would ONLY text were usually hiding something, and I was often right. You cannot establish an entire relationship through a screen."
5. "Pursuing someone, hoping they'll give in and change their mind. (This still happens but people romanticize it less and know it's not cool.) I'm a grown adult, if I say no I mean it. This isn't a romcom and I'm not looking to be convinced."
—Anonymous
6. "Monogamy. I got out of a six-year marriage and the first thing I noticed is married couples were more open and honest about seeing people outside of their marriage. As someone who isn't looking to be a full-time anything to anyone, it's been a really good experience."
—Anonymous
7. "Double texting is quite normal now."
8. "Giving someone your address when you barely know them. I can't imagine having someone pick me up at my home for a first date, or even letting them drop me off after!"
—Anonymous
9. "I'm 35 and for me, it's not discussing 'serious' topics before or on a first date. Maybe it's more of a getting older thing versus a generational thing, but when I was in my twenties I'd avoid talking about dealbreakers right away (like the fact that I don't want kids) so as not to scare a guy off because I wasn't being 'casual' enough. Now I care too much about not wasting my time and will sometimes even bring it up before a first date if the talking stage goes on long enough."
—Anonymous
10. "I remember feeling the need to lie about where I met my first official boyfriend because it was so shameful and taboo to admit that we met online. Now I'd confidently say that the majority of new couples are meeting online or through apps, and it's totally normalized. So I guess the dating behavior that's been 'abandoned' is the fear and stigma that was attached to online dating or finding a connection with someone you've never met IRL."
—Anonymous
11. "Playing hard to get. I immediately lose interest if a woman tries it, but fortunately I don't see it as much as I used to."
12. "The three-day rule. I remember my boomer grandma (zillenial here) talking about this and seeing women waiting for a phone call in older movies. Like...why? As someone with anxiety, this sounds like a nightmare. I don't think my parents (who dated in the '90s) ever did that, and my older siblings (who dated in the late '00s) certainly never did."
—Anonymous
"I’m not talking to you after three days. Most guys text after a date saying had fun. Hope you got home safe. I would love to see you again." —Reddog81
13. "Men paying for the first date. I always paid for my own food and drinks on the first date, and my friends did as well. It was more about safety than gender equity — if I go up to the bar and pay for my own drink, I know nothing’s been slipped into it between ordering and the drink being placed in my hand. I paid for my own food and drinks until I trusted someone. I allowed my husband to treat me to dinner on our third date."
—Anonymous
14. "Actually finding a date by going to bars or restaurants. Most dates are Tinder hookups and 'Netflix and chill' changed everything about dating."
—Anonymous
15. And finally, "Dating. I used to think it was so necessary to be in or on the lookout for a relationship, but I've been single for seven or so years and am pretty content for the most part (definitely a lot less stressed than when I was actively dating lol). A lot of older people still seem to think there's something wrong with not even trying to find a partner."
—Anonymous
