Rainbow foods have taken over...AND THEY MUST BE STOPPED.
You might have noticed the rainbow food trend taking your Instagram feed by storm. Foodies are posting pictures of their technicolored foods at an alarming rate. It seems that every day a new rainbow creation is debuted.
Why am I against such a magical and lighthearted trend, you might ask?
Because rainbow food is COMPLETE and TOTAL GARBAGE.
Foul, self-indulgent garbage fit for a Brooklyn garbage can.
HOW DID WE LET THIS HAPPEN, PEOPLE?
The rainbow creations have ranged from crass, colorful cupcakes...
...to FUCKING FOUL abominations of bagels. How can something this HORRIFIC be called a bagel?
The rainbow started to show up in the most unholy of places, proving the trend had NO boundaries...
The trend has even destroyed the sanctity of burger- and hotdog-dom.
I could no longer tell if my meat was tainted or painted.
Why does a meal have to be a party?
WHY did we let these melted monstrosities happen?
It's time the colorful catastrophe came to an end.
And in case you're wondering, YES I'VE TRIED THIS TREND.
And the outcome prooved unsurprising...
Throat-scratching glitter, sprinkles, and rock sugar gave the inside of my mouth an unwanted microdermabrasion.