"The best part about a pregnancy test is that you get to pee on something other than just a toilet. Or a person!"
Ever had one of those nights where you can't think of anything you didn't regret? You can always find something good in a bad situation, socially acceptable or not.
"I think I’ve had a crush on any guy that’s ever said anything nice to me."
Walking to your class, in sweatpants, hair tied, you get the idea, and a friendly grad student walks by and says hello, you basically plan your marriage right then and there. It's happened to all of us, and once we realize that our dream may not be a reality, we are always thankful for wine and romantic comedies.
"We change our hair when something traumatic happens to us, and obviously I’ve been through a lot of shit."
Anyone who hasn't tried dip-dying their hair with Kool-aid or regrettably bought Feria in their "Bloodstain Red" shade may not have experienced true (teenage) trauma. Which brings us to the next point...
"If you weren’t ugly in middle school, I almost don’t trust you."
Firstly, you don't get to show off #tbt Instagrams of you with your dreadlocks or the glasses + earrings + headband look we all thought were cool. I guess the uglier ones will get more likes anyways, so who really wins here?
"People don’t want to hear about your diet. Just shut up, eat your lettuce, and be sad."
Yes, we all try eating "healthy" at some points. Some get away with it, as they sip their coconut juice laughing internally as you caress the Half-Baked carton, and some try to be healthy by sipping their cranberry juice cocktail and believe their bodies are thanking them for the "30-day Juice Cleanse" they are slowly killing themselves with. Nevertheless, if you are trying a new diet, you're better off doing it by yourself.
"I’ll fart him right into the friend zone."
To the girls who will do anything to put someone into the friend zone: we salute you. In times like these, it is necessary to choose your resources wisely. Being mean might ruin your reputation, but being nice is getting you nowhere. You know what to do.
"You will never look like the girl in the magazine. The girl in the magazine doesn’t look like the girl in the magazine."
And finally, something that many may say but not believe: stop comparing yourself. Body shapes are body shapes, and whether yours is that of an hourglass, apple, or plum, you have control over the choices you make and the things you allow yourself to get upset over. "Girl Code" may have some foul humor (which is probably our favorite kind), but it will also remind you that you're not alone.
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