13 Holidays You've Been Celebrating Totally Wrong

    Let the orgies commence!

    1. Valentine's Day started off as a kinky Roman sex holiday.

    2. Christmas started off with gambling, feasting, and the return of the Unconquered Sun.

    3. Halloween was all about bonfires and hiding from possessing spirits.

    4. Purim is less "drunk Jewish Halloween" and more "Middle Eastern New Year."

    5. Easter is a delicious mash-up of the best parts of other spring festivals.

    6. New Year's has stayed the same, except for it having been dedicated to a god.

    7. April Fool's Day possibly started as a joke at the expense of French peasants.

    8. Mayday is less about folk dances and more about fertility and revolutionary socialism.

    9. Groundhog Day comes from an old, correct, German belief in the wisdom of hedgehogs.

    10. Mardi Gras and Carnival are a possible mash-up of the most enjoyably sordid Roman sex festivals.

    11. Labor Day was created as a failed campaign promise to win reelection.

    12. Three moochy kids' codename for trying to find free weed started 4/20.

    13. Friday the 13th is media-made bullshit.