12 Famously-Mustachioed Men Who Are Judging Your Fake ‘Stache

Try harder.

1. President Theodore Roosevelt

“I moustache you a question: why do you disrespect me like that? After all I did for national parks?”

2. Legendary Wrestler (And Reality Star) Hulk Hogan

“HOGAN KNOWS BEST. Specifically, I know that your moustache is an efface to everything I stand for.”

3. Archduke Franz Ferdinand

“My moustache was worth starting a war over. Yours isn’t.”

4. Walter Cronkite

“And that’s the way it is, so get the f**ck out my face.”

5. Former Major League Pitcher Rollie Fingers

“This moustache took four years, seven tons of wax and thousands of hours of labor-intensive curling. Yours too, right?”

6. Albert Einstein

“E = MC2, but a stupid stick and black, curly plastic ≠ legendary moustache.”

7. Ron Swanson

“I hate you. Get out of my forest.”

8. Wyatt Earp

“I turn away from you and your pathetic moustache/sunglasses combination.”

9. Former New York Gubernatorial Candidate Jimmy McMillan

“Hey, look what you can do with your hair. I’m really impressed. I just don’t have your sense of imagination, hair-follicularly.”

10. Groucho Marx

“You’re terrifying.”

11. Pancho Villa

“Oh-em-gee, twinsies! LEAVE IMMEDIATELY.”

12. President William Howard Taft

“Oh, that’s a moustache, right? It looks a bit like somebody painted a moustache on a coffee cup but I know you wouldn’t try to shit that front of the only person to ever be both president and Chief Justice of the U.S. Supreme Court.”

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