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10 Things All Jennifers Know to Be True

There are 1,483,694 Jennifers in America. This is their story, as told by famous Jennifers.

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1. The Jennifer Genesis

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Jennifer was the most common girls' name in America from 1970 to 1984, including a few years in there where it was the most popular name in every state.

2. No, Not That Jennifer, The Other Jennifer

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You cannot remember being in a class in school without at least one other Jennifer, and even now, it's rare that you're the only Jennifer in your office. Yet you still find ways to let you be you.

3. No Keychain For You

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As a child, you became numb to the fact that you would never find sparkly rainbow items with your name on them. Just an empty spot between "Jane" and "Jessica."

4. Jenny, Jenny, Who Can I Turn To?

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You are a Jenn, Jen, Jenny, Jennie, or a Jennifer. Never more than one, even though if you introduce yourself as Jennifer, people feel free to call you Jenny.

5. 867-53...Oh...No

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How someone responds when they learn your name is an incredibly accurate way to guess their age: Singing "Jennifer Juniper" by Donovan means they were a '70s flower child, singing "867-5309/Jenny" by Tommy Tutone means they are an '80s kid, and people who grew up in the '90s quote Forrest Gump. The ‘90s were a dark time to be named Jennifer.

6. The Secret Handshake

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When you meet a fellow Jennifer, it's completely acceptable to ask what year she was born and what her middle name is. Then you smile knowingly at each other and walk away.

7. Don't Even Talk About Jenny McCarthy

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You try to like celebrities named Jennifer, with mixed results. There was a real dry spell until Jennifer Lawrence came along.

8. Still Better Than Bella, Tho

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You've noticed that people your age are now naming their kids Jennifer, probably as a quaint throwback or homage to a childhood friend. Please don't.

9. Two "F"s? Are You a Monster?

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You have at least once had your name spelled "Jeniffer" or "Ginnifer," which is mind-boggling, considering how freakin' common the name is.

10. Common, But Not Basic

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When someone says, "Yeah, my name is really common, too," you nod politely and try not to roll your eyes. Only Jessicas and Lisas can possibly feel your pain.

The only way you could possibly show your sympathy is to share this post with the Jennifers you know. Because everyone knows at least one.

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