There's a page on Reddit called Am I The Asshole?, and I swear it's better than reality TV. Everyday there's a new post that has me like:
In case you haven't heard of it, it's basically a space where people share the arguments or conflicts that they've had, and then other users can weigh in on who they think behaved unreasonably and why.
Now, there's a man who is wondering if he's an asshole for demanding that his girlfriend change out of her white dress for a wedding that they were attending, and I MUST know what your thoughts are.
Here's the situation as told by the boyfriend, u/Mallvar:
"This happened this weekend, me being in my early thirties and my gf in her late twenties. I was invited to a wedding ceremony of a colleague and could bring someone with me. I asked my GF that I've been dating for a year if she would like to join me and she was really happy because she apparently loves weddings. Since we don't live together, I drove to pick her up so we'd have some time to spare before the ceremony," he said.
"As she comes out she looks really beautiful and has obviously put in time to fix her hair and make-up. She's also wearing an off-white dress that was rather ornate. As she got in I told her that she looked stunning, but I asked if she could change to a different colored dress for the ceremony. I'm not one for etiquette by far, but one of the few things I have heard everywhere is that you should not wear a white dress to a wedding unless you're the bride."
He continued on to say, "She became pretty upset and wanted to know what was wrong with her dress. I said that it would be inappropriate to wear a white or off-white dress unless you're the bride — and that it's like wedding-law or something, trying to be lighthearted about it. She rolled her eyes and said that it was an outdated tradition about women and virginity and that when her friends got married everyone wore white and that it's not a big thing anymore."
"My gf became really upset and told me that I was trying to control what she was wearing and that it was abusive, which honestly made me really upset and hurt. I said something along the lines of 'Fuck, well you shouldn't go to a wedding with an abuser then' and then I told her to fuck off out of my car. She began to cry and wanted to apologize and give me a hug, but I just told her to get out, which she did. (To clarify we never left the driveway by her home, I did not drop her off in the middle of nowhere or anything like that)."
"I drove off and she called and texted me a bunch. I answered 'I don't want to talk right now' and then turned my phone off and attended the ceremony. The bride was the only one that was wearing white so I feel as if my gut feeling was the right one," he added.
"When I got home my phone had blown up by texts from her and her best friend saying that I was being inconsiderate and controlling and should apologize for my behavior. I've vented to a few friends — most of them agreeing with me but some have said that it was an asshole thing to tell her that she could not wear her dress — because it had nothing to do with me. I feel as if I was in the right since it was my colleagues wedding and it was better to be safe than sorry, but I'm also not sure if I was being an asshole about the situation. So, AITA?"
Many people voted that the original poster was not the asshole. One user who goes by u/beeeeeebee said:
"Absolutely NTA. Your GF sounds like an attention-seeking nightmare. Literally everyone knows you’re not supposed to wear white to a wedding. Even if she magically had not heard this rule, the second you mentioned it — a reasonable person would have changed dresses just to be safe. She clearly wanted to be center of attention/create drama...and when you wouldn’t allow it, she created drama another way."
Others added that the original poster was not out of line for his reaction since he was the one who was invited, and his girlfriend would have merely been the guest.
"NTA. You're the one invited and the one that's going to face the social blowback when people get upset at what she's wearing, not her. To then claim you're controlling and abusive and demand you apologize is a massive red flag," u/Your-old-shipmate said.
There were also a few people who thought that the original poster could have managed the situation a bit better, but agreed that he was not the asshole in the situation.
"NTA. Handled poorly yes... but every woman (certainly in western culture) knows that you DO NOT wear a white dress to another woman's wedding UNLESS she has specifically requested that you do so! Seriously bad etiquette." u/Haughtscot said.