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This Cole Sprouse Mother's Day Poem Is So Fucking Funny

This gets dark REAL fast.

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Over the weekend, Cole Sprouse shared a photo of a real poem he wrote for his mom when he was younger, and IT IS SOMETHING.

Frederick M. Brown / Getty Images

It starts out normally enough...

Cole Sprouse / Via Twitter: @colesprouse

Sounds downright adorable and sweet already. This is going to be the purest thing ever. Let's continue.

Cole Sprouse / Via Twitter: @colesprouse

Wow, look at that rhyming! A wonderful pairing of BEST and REST! Great work!

Disney Channel / Via

But suddenly, young Cole starts to wonder about what would happen if he were ever separated from his mom, and things start to get dark real fast...

Cole Sprouse / Via Twitter: @colesprouse

What are you going to do Cole?!?!! What rhymes with apart?!

Cole Sprouse / Via Twitter: @colesprouse

He'd "REPEDEDLY" STAB THEM IN THE HEART. We are talking about REPEDED heart stabbings here. Then, Cole signs his poem like this:

Is that red paint, or....???
Cole Sprouse / Via Twitter: @colesprouse

Is that red paint, or....???

So, yeah, don't ever get between Cole Sprouse and his mom. Here's the whole beautifully twisted poem in all its glory:

I was a psycho baby before it was hip.

Full poem text:

A poem for my Mom.

I love you mom you are the best.

Your better than all the rest.

And if anyone ever takes us apart.

Id repededly stab them in the heart.

Love Always,


In case you haven't noticed, he's weird. He's a weirdo. He does't fit in and he doesn't want to fit in.