Modern Dating Tips And Pickup Lines

Correction: Post-Modern.

1. Tinder Profile Photo

René François Ghislain Magritte

For Tinder profiles, it's best to leave a little to the imagination. Potential suitors swipe right for personality, not looks.

Accompanying Pick-up Lines:

- If I had an eye, you would be the apple of it.

- Forget Ultimate Knowledge, I'll give you Ultimate Satisfaction.

- Have an apple a day so I'll never worry about you cheating on me with a doctor.

2. Sexting for Females

Dick pics are so 2009. Twat Shots are in. Be sure to find optimal lighting and don't be afraid to get a little creative with it.

Accompanying Pick-up Lines:

- Are you Prince Charming? Because I'm missing my left heel and would like it back.

- The meaning of life is that it stops.

- Heard you're into twins. We might be twins if you look close enough.

3. Sexting for Males

Vladamir Kush

Unfortunately, some women are into seeing the goods on their 5.5 inch screen. Which, come to think of it, is probably longer than your baloney baton.

Accompanying Pick-up Lines:

- Ready to peel off my layers?

- I want to make like a banana and split all over your sundae.

4. First Date

Joe Bradley

It's always fun to use an element of surprise. Take your date somewhere they've never been before, show up with flowers, hide in their closet and watch them until the time is right to jump out and ask them to prom.

Accompanying Pick-up Lines:

- I'll let you be my boo. My Peek-a-Boo.

- What's red, pulsing, and ready for a squeeze? My nose.

- I may look sketchy, but my strokes speak for themselves.

- Girl, I'll doodle your diddly hole.

5. Dancing in Clubs

Picasso

It's always important to showcase the newest dance crazes - The Running Man, The Nae Nae, The Quan. However, if you're not comfortable with these moves, it's best to stick with the classics. (see the faun above, who is attempting to impress an unamused female suitor by initiating The Dab).

6. Ghosting

Shirazeh Houshiary

Not the best way to treat another human, but sometimes it cannot be helped. Especially if that Bumble date made you pay and then took the leftovers.

Departing Lines (if you must):

- It's been real, it's been fun, but it hasn't been... ok, no - neither of those.

- Catch you on the flip side... of the pancake I just scorched.

- So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, fuck you *sung a la Sound of Music*