1. Last night was this gargoyle's birthday.
2. And this gargoyle's bachelor party.
3. This gargoyle lost nine games of beer pong.
4. This gargoyle thought "beer before liquor, never sicker" was an old wives' tale.
5. This gargoyle is studying abroad and chugged absinthe to impress a girl.
6. This gargoyle said some stupid things last night and is scared to check his phone.
7. This gargoyle is blaming it on "food poisoning."
8. This gargoyle just started college and is kind of worrying his mom.
9. This gargoyle had her first (and second and fifth) Long Island Iced Tea.
10. This gargoyle took advantage of an open bar at a wedding and threw up on a bridesmaid's shoes.
11. These gargoyles were dating, but recently broke up, and both overdid it while trying to make each other jealous at a mutual friend's party.
12. This gargoyle is about to try to clean himself up and walk out the door with no pants on.
13. This gargoyle is so, so sorry.
14. This gargoyle was sitting below that gargoyle.
15. And this gargoyle is still drunk.
