10 Reasons You Need To Stop Talking To The One Who Won't Commit

For anyone who is stuck in the in-between of not knowing wether or not to hold on or let go.

10 Reasons You Need To Stop Talking To The One Who Won't Commit

Jamie Montemarano / Via unapologeticandme.wordpress.com

In a world that has minimized finding your possible soulmate to a simple swipe right, dating has become a lot more complicated in this "simplified" world. Back in the days where all you had to go off of was a voice over the phone or passed notes, we were actually able to develop lasting relationships with people because they took, say it with me, WORK! I know it's a crazy concept- but there was once a time, where people fell in love with other people based off of more than 3 of their best profile pictures and a brief bio explaining that they enjoy craft beer, Chinese finger traps and long walks down the frozen pizza isle. Now don't get me wrong, these dating apps work for some people. Tinder, Bumble, Hinge- trust me, I'm just as guilty as the next and have at one point, been on all of them.

Disclaimer: Tinder was the very first one I joined and I found out very quickly that it was not a dating app. Lesson learned.

Anyway- dating apps are great. User friendly, easy, fast. In a world where we hardly have time to sit through a 17 second Starbucks order, these apps are effective. The trouble is, you encounter a lot of people who hold these apps hostage. The guys, and girls, who are actively on these apps meant for finding other people who want to be in a relationship, only to get balls deep in weeks or months of spending time together and then they just won't pull the exclusive trigger. You know, the, "hey, I don't want to see anyone else, lets let the world know how bad ass we are together, trigger." We get sucked into these emotion filled situations hoping they will eventually realize how ridiculously awesome we are...but they never do...and we just keep on waiting...and waiting...and waiting. Until one day, you find out that you were in fact, not the only girl they were talking to, or that she went out on another date while you were warding off other women out of respect for this imaginative exclusivity you thought you two had, and it hits you like a ton of bricks. Fuck. I have the feels.

So now what? How do you know what it's time to just cut your losses and move on?

#10. You're never available for, you

Sure, this may sound weird, but you spend most of your time being available for "him" that you stop doing the things you want to do. "Man, I really would like to have a night at home, maybe order som- OH LOOK! HE WANTS TO HANG OUT! BETTER START CURLING MY HAIR!" No. Put the curling iron down and stop that shit. Stop being so available. Light some candles, take a bath, watch movies you know he will hate, eat a whole chicken mariachi pizza, and do it all, ALONE.

#9. You take your phone with you, everywhere

If phones were waterproof, you'd have it with you in the shower because lets face it, you're taking it with you everywhere you go. You leave your phone volume on decibel 27, you wake up in the middle of the night to casually "check what time it is," you leave one room and take your phone with you to your kitchen that's 11 1/2 feet away because, "you may miss their text." Do yourself a favor, turn off all your alerts, put your phone on silent, flush it down the toilet, maybe light it on fire. It's not an IUD- that thing does not need to be implanted in your body to be affective. It will work the same 1 foot away from you or 500 miles. Put. the. phone. down.

#8. You're making excuses for them

Let's be real- if someone is interested, you have dialouge. You don't go through 34 hours of silence and then have a 10 text conversation and still think that this is going to be a real thing. You start telling your friends, "Oh, well you know, he was just super swamped with work today so..." or, "Well she had a crazy weekend with her friends so she's just been staying low key..." No. If you don't have time, you make time. Time should never ever be an excuse. I don't have time to eat an entire funfetti cake, but I sure as shit will make time to do it.

#7. You start talking "No strings attached"

This is a huge red flag. I am here to tell you, that if you think you can talk no strings attached the the guy or girl you've been emotionally involved with for the last however many weeks or months, you're only kidding yourself. Welcome to feeling town, where your emotions exist and there is no getting out. No strings attached works for prostitutes and people who don't have hearts, or morals. You came into this wanting a relationship, so stop fooling yourself by adjusting what you want to be what they think they want. This will only end in heartache, and it typically, will only be on your end. The rush will be unmatched, it'll be everything you want it to be, and then you're waking up alone and empty the next day. If it gets to this, run. and run fast.

#6. His/Her inability to figure out what they want is making you question what you know you want

When feelings get involved, more often than not, you're willing to do pretty much whatever the other party wants or needs. You came into this wanting a relationship, or at least wanting to spend time with someone, and start the process of getting to relationship station; however, now the tides are shifting and they are no longer sure what they want. You, however, start internally panicking, so naturally, you play it cool and admit you don't really know what you want either and are just along for the ride until you figure it out. Wrong. Stop lying to yourself. If they are going to back pedal on wanting to be in a relationship, thats a red flag. Your ideas of what you want haven't changed...their's have.

#5. Your feelings aren't being validated

You kind of fall into a lull where you just stop talking about your feelings all together. Conversation stays strictly surface, and hangouts are based around alcohol and late nights at the bar. You both are into each other, lets face it- but reality hits and with that also come the fears that HEY! This may not work out. So, it becomes easier to keep hanging out with each other, because again, feelings; but avoiding any sort of conversation about them becomes the M.O. So now, you are stuck to be alone with your thoughts and the only people you have to bounce imaginary and irrational scenarios off of, are your friends, and trust me, there are only so many mimosas or bud lights someone can drink before even they get tired of hearing you ask the same questions 17 different ways.

#4. You've allowed yourself to feel disposable

The same way you were brought to each other, you feel you are just as easily loosing that person. You are letting all the insecurities creep in that come with that person not being able to commit like, "Am I the only one," and it's making you feel like you are a dime a dozen. You get back on that dating app to maybe explore some new options or find someone else to get wrapped up in, in hopes to forget about the one you really want to be with, and BAM. You get smacked right in the face with their very active and current dating profile. Like, what in the actual fuck?

#3. You feel unlovable

The person you thought you knew the most (yourself) is now kind of becoming a pit of questions and doubts. You're wondering whats wrong with you that they just won't commit to. You come to feel incredibly insecure about things you once never gave a second thought to, and you're honestly, feeling like you just aren't lovable. Trust me, you aren't sparing us anything but telling us how great we are, and how much fun you have with us, only to in the end, still not want to be with us.

#2. You start over analyzing everything

You remember that text he sent on December 12 at 4:35 PM? HE CERTAINLY DOESN'T. But all of a sudden, that "oh, cool" text he sent you, may have 15 different meanings and be typed out in arabic because you're grasping at straws at this point to try and make sense of this senseless situation.

#1. You're reading this

It's sad but true...you were innocently scrolling through social media, and this title caught your eye. The guy or girl that you are currently in this web of confusion with flashed across your mind and you hesitantly clicked on this blog post. You've spent pretty much the whole time reading this with one eye open and silently cussed me out throughout.

Look- it doesn't feel good to think you're not wanted by somebody else. No amount of changing who you are, begging, or over analyzing is going to change that. No matter how great you are as a person, you are never going to be good enough for someone who isn't ready; and that just sucks. But honestly, the faster you can come to terms with this, and close your heart off to that person, the better. It's not going to be easy. You're going to miss them like crazy. You're going to cry. It's going to hurt. But you've got to cut off the contact. Stand up for your heart, and shut that mother father out. Build those walls up so high and strong that fort knox has competition. Don't talk to them until it doesn't make you want to throw up imagining them with someone else. Don't see them until at least 2 months has passed since the last sentence has happened.

You're going to be okay, but you've got to be strong. Date yourself. Be with yourself. Love yourself. There is someone out there in this vast world that's waiting for you, and even preparing for you. Don't allow someone who can't get over their own fears and selfishness turn you into someone you don't recognize. What's meant to be will always find a way, and what's not will hopefully get struck by a bus.

I don't actually mean that, but hopefully that helps you in typing out that text, or making that phone call that starts with, "I've got to be honest with myself..."